1.. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2.. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4.. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5.. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6.. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7.. Be more or less specific.
8.. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9.. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10.. No sentence fragments.
11.. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12.. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13.. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14.. One should NEVER generalize.
15.. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16.. Don’t use no double negatives.
17.. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18.. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19.. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20.. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21.. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should
be enclosed in commas.
22.. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23.. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24.. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25.. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26.. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27.. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28.. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole. Not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29.. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30.. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31.. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32.. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33.. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And finally...
34.. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Is there another word for synonym? - George Carlin
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien
Poetry is what gets lost in translation. - Robert Frost
The rules are written by the bureaucraps. - Archie Bunker
I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown
When passion rules, she never rules wisely. - Ben Franklin
A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb
Rule No. 1 of life. Do what makes YOU happy. - Unknown
A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin
I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. - Mark Twain
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
You don't have good grammar when you type with your fists. - C.F. Payne
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain
England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw
Rules are made for people who aren't willing to make up their own. - Chuck Yeager
Our waking hours form the text of our lives, our dreams, the commentary. - Unknown
Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion
The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break. - John Madden
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker
Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater
We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman
The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud
Grammar: the difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts. - Unknown
There are three basic rules for great comedy. Unfortunately no-one can remember what they are. - Arthur Smith
I have made it a rule never to be with a person ten minutes without trying to make him happier. - Unknown
The best rule of thumb for character is to remember that if you can't be big, don't belittle. - Unknown
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton
Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain
He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne
Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb
He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon
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