Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?”
Murphy slowly shook his head and said, “No, Father, after ya talked about ’Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left me hat.”
My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
see also Nationality & Religious Sections
Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s?
Alzheimer’s Wing
Corn Maze For Old People
Manitoba Health Care's Test For Alzheimer's
You Never Call
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
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Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish School Demolition
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irish Yoga - Day 1
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
Rainbow Beer
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly
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