Irish Alzheimers

Making atonement for a broken commandment



Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?”

Murphy slowly shook his head and said, “No, Father, after ya talked about ’Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left me hat.”



QuotaBills
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy

I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic

I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan

I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock

I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson

It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce

I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell

What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly

The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer

I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams

Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle

"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift

I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson


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20-Sep-2021