Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?”
Murphy slowly shook his head and said, “No, Father, after ya talked about ’Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left me hat.”
I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof
Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof
Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
see also Nationality & Religious Sections
Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s?
Alzheimer’s Wing
Corn Maze For Old People
Manitoba Health Care's Test For Alzheimer's
You Never Call
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish School Demolition
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irish Yoga - Day 1
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
Rainbow Beer
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly
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10-Dec-2019 |