Irish Alzheimers

Making atonement for a broken commandment



Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”

Murphy said, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?”

Murphy slowly shook his head and said, “No, Father, after ya talked about ’Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left me hat.”



QuotaBills
I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan

Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews

There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson

I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock

Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus

The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown

I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus

Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof

Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt

The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen

I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle

I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie

I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

I have Dementia
My responses may be slow.
Take your time and wait for me,
It means more than you can know! - Unknown

Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


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10-Dec-2019