“He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.” - University of Houston receiver Torrin Polk on his coach, John Jenkins.
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.” - Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model.
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.” - New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season.
Upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Washington Redskins say, “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Oakland Raiders said, “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh.
“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” and “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.” - Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach.
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.” - Stu Grimson Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.
“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.” - Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison.
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.” - Lou Duva veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota.
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.” - Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D.
“Because she’s too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.” - Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips.
“I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.” - Charles Shackelford, NC State.
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I asked him, ’Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ ” to which the player replied, “Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.”
“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to
bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning,
when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” - Mark
S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” -
“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice
that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in
your circumstances.” - Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” -
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” - Joe Theisman, NFL football
quarterback & sports analyst
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” -
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” -
Dan Quayle while campaigning.
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” - Al Gore,
“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” - Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager.
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just
the one to do it.” - Texas Congressional candidate.
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the
country.” - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” -
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to
become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t
help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those
flies and death and stuff.” - Mariah Carey.
Question: “If you could live forever, would you and why?”
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if
we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever.” - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s
Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995)
Pulled You Over
'No Fart Forest' for Extreme Fire Hazards
Study to Fail