Just Texas... Jeff Foxworthy on folks from Texas If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas; If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas; If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas; If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas; If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas; If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas; If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas; If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph - you’re going 80 and everybody’s passing you, you may live in Texas; If you find 60 degrees “a little chilly,” you may live in Texas; If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas. Little known facts about Texas 2. Beaumont to Chicago: 770 miles 3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas 4. World’s first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883. 5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. (Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008) 6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston. 7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America. 8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America’s only remaining flock of whooping cranes. 9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978. 10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island. 11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was “Houston,” but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time. 12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island. 13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin , TX in July of 1979. 14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states. 15. A live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old. 16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state. 17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper. 18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg, Galveston, Velasco, West Columbia and Austin. 19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington, DC (by 7 feet). 20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world, and it is taller than the Washington Monument. 21. The name “Texas” comes from the Hasini Indian word “tejas” meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas. 22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo. An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females. 23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston. Cowboy’s Ten Commandments posted on the wall at (2) Honor yer Ma & Pa. (3) No telling tales or gossipin’. (4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting. (5) Put nothin’ before God. (6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal. (7) No killin’. (8) Watch yer mouth. (9) Don’t take what ain’t yers. (10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff. Y’all git all that? Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth. Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins Olfactory: Texas petroleum refinery - Daffynitions joe-ks.com The people of Texas want us to secede! - William Clements You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown Parts of Texas look like Kansas with a goiter. - Unknown I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians. - Henry Rollins Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. - Fran Lebowitz In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez In Texas it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. - Piper Perabo The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' - Kinky Friedman Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. - Red Skelton News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards If a man's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, why embarrass him by asking? - John Gunther Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush Texas could exist without the United States but the United States cannot exist without Texas. - Sam Houston The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson Most of my memories of Texas are of mosquitoes, watermelons, crickets, and my brother teasing me. - Robin Wright Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze The sky in Texas is the most amazing sky in the whole country, I think, like you can see more sky in Texas than you can see anywhere else in the world. - dina Menzel The pleasure of jogging and running is rather like that of wearing a fur coat in Texas in August: the true joy comes in being able to take the damn thing off. - Joseph Epstein If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. - Ricky Williams see also History, Language & Redneck Sections Almost Everything’s Bigger in Texas “BIG” Texas Rattlesnake Cleared to Land Cow Shower Everything Is Bigger In Texas My Daughter & My Money Negotiations Texas Style Only In Texas Redneck Porch Hunter Room Service in a Texas Hotel Shopping In Texas Survivor - Texas Style (2013) Texas Bakery Texas Bank Security Texas Car Wash Texas Chili Taster Texas Cow Cleaner Texas Divorce Texas Drought Texas Farmer Texas Flashlight Texas Hunting Vehicle Texas Limo Texas Motorcycle Seat Texas Office Chair Texas Outhouse Art Texas Rain Gauge Texas Rocking Chair Texas Speed Camera Texas Style Arrest Texas Three-Kick Rule Texas Wildcat Dentist Texas Wink Texas Womanhood |
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