Clean As Cold Water

Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes



A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”



QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet. - Edith Wharton

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

We're just sweeping dirty dishes under the rug. - Archie Bunker

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

If a man be great, even his dog will ear a proud look. - Japanese Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. - Margaret C Banning

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes. - Agatha Christie

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

Clean and nourish your mind every day. It can easily become a garbage bin. - Unknown

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

When we traded the buffalo for a mare, we had no milk to drink, and we still had droppings to clean up. - Punjab Proverb

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

The nice thing about being detained in Canada is it's like being in a Days Inn; it's very clean and very nice. - Bill Ayers

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes. - Margaret Mahy

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


see also   Aging,  Dog  &  Stress  Sections
Dog Bidet
 

$383.00 Paint Job

Wine Time Finally

Scooter Hearse

Thailand Ferry

Hard Hat Safety

Water Coolant

Spray-On Clothing

Bright Bookshelf

Saddle Surprise

Politicians Be Like

Senior Aerobics

Foiled Again

Redneck Beer Hunter

Pair Produce

Potting Pot

Ice Cream Burqa

Dog Soother

Fourk

Women's Outhouse

Crocodile Floor
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

04-Jun-2020