Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

You live as long as you are remembered. - Russian Proverb

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. - Unknown

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

All his successors gone before him have done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. - William Shakespeare

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

Mothers are like glue, Even when you can't see them, they're still holding the family together. - Susan Gale

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates

Happiness is being content with what you have, living in freedom and liberty, having a good family life and good friends. - Divyanka Tripathi

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie


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07-Aug-2020