The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”
“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”
“Stay the
heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.”
By ancestry, I was born to rule. - Nelson Mandela
Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring
A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson
Leading your family is a lot tougher than basketball. - Giannis Antetokounmpo
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible
Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. - Bible
Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children. - Doris Day
Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson
Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg
Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld
To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown
The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams
For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman
Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner
Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson
My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive. - Ogden Nash
We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane
Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon
Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. - Thomas J. Barnardo
A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato - the best part of him is underground. - Henry Cooper
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller
There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller
My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith
What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard
A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen
Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller
In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia
How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring
A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson
Leading your family is a lot tougher than basketball. - Giannis Antetokounmpo
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible
Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. - Bible
Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children. - Doris Day
Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson
Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg
Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld
To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown
The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams
For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman
Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner
Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson
My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive. - Ogden Nash
We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane
Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon
Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. - Thomas J. Barnardo
A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato - the best part of him is underground. - Henry Cooper
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller
There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller
My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith
What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard
A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen
Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller
In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia
How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
see also Family, Relationship & School Sections
Adaptive Roots
Ancestry Rewind
Babysitting Kids
Chimera Genetics
Family Fun
Family Hands
Family Picture
Family Planning Advice
Family Ties
Family Tree
Get Along Shirt
Hands On Tree
Mom Lookout
Parent Delete
Sister DNA
The Van Gogh Family Tree
Tom Lee Music Franchise Opportunities
Walker Buddies
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08-May-2021 |