Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

He flourishes with hereditary honors. - Latin Proverb

The rich man has more relations than he knows. - French Proverb

There's nobody stronger than a single parent. - Unknown

Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. - Unknown

Beware of men who flourish with hereditary honors. - Latin Proverb

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. - Jesus Christ

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Grandma, thank you for being my anchor in this stormy sea of life. - Unknown

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

The meek may inherit the earth, but it's the grumpy who get promoted. - Father Mulcahy

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. - John Ciardi

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. - Oscar Wilde

A grandmother is a little bit parent, a little bit teacher, and a little bit best friend. - Unknown

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. - Hodding S. Carter

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. - Unknown

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

The roots of the problems we face in the world, in our national life, and in our family and personal lives are spiritual. - Stephen Covey

The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams and aspirations he sets not only for himself, but for his family. - Reed Markham

The unjustifiable severity of a parent is loaded with this aggravation, that those whom he injures are always in his sight. - Joseph Addison

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo

With the steady disintegration of the family in modern society over the last century, the role of the school in bridging the gap has become vital. - Stephen Covey

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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26-Oct-2020