Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
By ancestry, I was born to rule. - Nelson Mandela

Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

Recognize, appreciate and repay your parents' love. - Cheng Yen

Anybody can make history, only a great man can write it. - Oscar Wilde

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. - Anthony Brandt

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown

Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

People will not look forward to posterity who never look backward to their ancestors. - Edmund Burke

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates

In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

The unjustifiable severity of a parent is loaded with this aggravation, that those whom he injures are always in his sight. - Joseph Addison

Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. - Martha Stewart

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning. - Leo Tolstoy

Prayer turns ordinary parents into prophets who shape the destinies of their children, grandchildren, and every generation that follows. - Mark Batterson

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

With the steady disintegration of the family in modern society over the last century, the role of the school in bridging the gap has become vital. - Stephen Covey

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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20-Jan-2021