Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

You live as long as you are remembered. - Russian Proverb

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. - Voltaire

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

Sticking with your family is what makes it a family. - Mitch Albom

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

Anybody can make history, only a great man can write it. - Oscar Wilde

The two things children wear out are clothes and parents. - Unknown

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

Acting is just a way of making a living; the family is life. - Denzel Washington

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. - Martin Mull

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

Future generations may well ask themselves, what were our parents thinking? - Al Gore

I write to keep in contact with our ancestors and to spread truth to people. - Sonia Sanchez

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

People will not look forward to posterity who never look backward to their ancestors. - Edmund Burke

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

The family you came from isn't as important as the family you're going to have. - Ring Lardner

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read. - Doris Lessing

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

What ya eat ain't got nuttin' to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It's what they call a matter of heresy. - Archie Bunker

A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


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09-Apr-2020