Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
He flourishes with hereditary honors. - Latin Proverb

Grammatical Error: When Grandma screws up - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

The family is one of nature's masterpieces. - George Santayana

There's nobody stronger than a single parent. - Unknown

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

Anybody can make history, only a great man can write it. - Oscar Wilde

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest. - Mark Twain

Acting is just a way of making a living; the family is life. - Denzel Washington

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. - Anthony Brandt

Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. - Barbara Bush

To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown

Those who inherit fortunes are often more troublesome than those who make them. - African Saying

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

My first advice on how not to grow old would be to choose your ancestors carefully. - Bertrand Russell

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. - Daniel J. Boorstin

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

Snaccident: Eating an entire pizza, box of chocolates, or family size bag of chips by mistake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. - Haim Ginott

Mothers are like glue, Even when you can't see them, they're still holding the family together. - Susan Gale

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled. - Richard P Feynman

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning. - Leo Tolstoy

Prayer turns ordinary parents into prophets who shape the destinies of their children, grandchildren, and every generation that follows. - Mark Batterson

Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey


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23-Oct-2021