Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Friends are the family you choose. - Jennifer Aniston

Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. - Voltaire

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. - Daniel Webster

People will not look forward to posterity who never look backward to their ancestors. - Edmund Burke

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. - Thomas J. Barnardo

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Parents should leave books lying around marked "forbidden" if they want their children to read. - Doris Lessing

Any living cell carries within it the experiences of a billion years of experimentation by its ancestors. - Max Delbrook

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then one of them sticks his head out and embarrasses us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

The greatest thing about man is his ability to transcend himself, his ancestry and his environment and to become what he dreams of being. - Tully C. Knoles

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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22-Jan-2020