Important Health Information

Does cardiovascular exercise improve life?


Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right?
My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans… another vegetable! It’s the best feel good food around!

[I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie… flour is a veggie! One more thing - when life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and some salt...]





QuotaBills
Pain should not be wasted. - Gerda W Klein

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The pain passes, but the beauty remains. - Pierre-August Renoir

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

Humor does not diminish the pain - it makes the space around it get bigger. - Allen Klein

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. - Joseph Campbell

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Everybody has losses - it's unavoidable in life. Sharing our pain is very healing. - Isabel Allende

When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you known it is healed. - Lyanla Vanzant

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain. - C S Lewis

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha


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24-Jul-2021