Redneck Math

Pi are squared, aren’t they?

Teacher:   “What is the area of a circle, Bubba - Pi R^2?”
Bubba:   “Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.”

Teacher:   “What is a proof?”
Bubba:   “One-half percent of alcohol.”

Revolutions never occur in mathematics. - Michael Crowe

College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost

Mathematics: the only subject that counts. - Unknown

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

Electoral College: Institute of higher yearning - Daffynitions

Pure mathematics is the poetry of logical ideas. - Albert Einstein

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

Algebra: Undergarment worn by female math teachers - Daffynitions

I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal

Bison: What you say when your child leaves for school - Daffynitions

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain

A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. - Henry Brightman

Walking has been ridiculous in college basketball the past 15 years. - Bobby Knight

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Like the crest of a peacock, so is mathematics at the head of all knowledge. - Indian Proverb

College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen

For the things of this world cannot be made known without a knowledge of mathematics. - Roger Bacon

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier

If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver

University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

Mathematics may be compared to a mill of exquisite workmanship, which grinds your stuff to any degree of fineness. - Thomas Huxley

The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right. - Jack Nicholson

Probably no symbol in mathematics has evoked as much mystery, romanticism, misconception and human interest as the number pi. - William L Schaaf

Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true. - Rene Descartes

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz

Mathematics began to seem too much like puzzle solving. Physics is puzzle solving, too, but of puzzles created by nature, not by the mind of man. - Maria G. Mayer

With the steady disintegration of the family in modern society over the last century, the role of the school in bridging the gap has become vital. - Stephen Covey

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown

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