Redneck Math

Pi are squared, aren’t they?

Teacher:   “What is the area of a circle, Bubba - Pi R^2?”
Bubba:   “Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.”

Teacher:   “What is a proof?”
Bubba:   “One-half percent of alcohol.”

Revolutions never occur in mathematics. - Michael Crowe

College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost

I graduated first in my class from alibi school. - Jeffrey McDaniel

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

Math, it's a puzzle to me. I love figuring out puzzles. - Maya Lin

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard

Math is like love - a simple idea but it can get complicated. - R. Drabek

Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman

Those who go to college and never get out are called professors. - George Givot

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. - Henry Brightman

Walking has been ridiculous in college basketball the past 15 years. - Bobby Knight

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions

For the things of this world cannot be made known without a knowledge of mathematics. - Roger Bacon

Let us grant that the pursuit of mathematics is a divine madness of the human spirit. - Alfred Whitehead

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards. - Mark Twain

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya

There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

There are advantages to being President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. - Ronald Reagan

Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. - Plato

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right. - Jack Nicholson

Mathematics is indeed dangerous in that it absorbs students to such a degree that it dulls their senses to everything else. - Prinz zu Hohlenlohe-Ingelfingen Kraft

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

Mathematics takes us into the region of absolute necessity, to which not only the actual word, but every possible word, must conform. - Bertrand Russell

In the real world, the smartest people are people who make mistakes and learn. In school, the smartest people don't make mistakes. - Robert T Kiyosaki

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

With the steady disintegration of the family in modern society over the last century, the role of the school in bridging the gap has become vital. - Stephen Covey

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey

see also   College,  School  &  Redneck  Sections
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