The Immaculate Contraption
by Lionized College Students

Mangled Moments of History

[World history as told by college students - mangled moments of civilization from Term Papers and Exams...]

A German soldier put Rome in a sack.

A tidul wave of Goths, Hungs, Zulus, and others impacted Rome.

Athena the Hun rampaged the Balkans as far as France, where he plumaged and tortured people of the villages he captured.

Christianity finally became official after the Emperor Constantine's famous Decree of Consternation. Constantine became a Christian himself after being persued by a neon cross on the battlefield. The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the emperor came.

Christianity was just another mystery cult until Jesus was born. The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption.

During the Dark Ages it was mostly dark.

Eventually Christians started the new religion with sayings like, "The mice shall inherit the earth." Later Christians fortunately abandoned this idea.

Many of the theories about the fall of the Roman Empire were totally not possible, and some of them were. This included more than enough religion, too much slavery, not enough water, and smoking from lead pipes.

Mary and Joseph went from inn to inn trying to find a place for Jesus to be born, but they were refused everywhere because they were Jewish.

Pope Gregory the Great had to confront the Gnosts.

Romans persecuted Christians by Lionizing them in public stadiums. Among the things that helped Christianity grow was the promise of an eternal afterword.

Society was crumpity. Neo-Platonists celebrated the joys of self-abuse.

St. Augustine became a pillar in the Catholic church.

St. Benedict gave his monks a set of punitive rules to enjoy.

St. Jerome refused to believe in sex.

The Arians denied the holy triangle.

When they finally got to Italy, the Australian Goths were tired of plungering and needed to rest. Italy was ruled by the Visible Goths, while France and Spain were ruled by the Invisible Goths.

see also   College  &  History  Sections
18th Century History by College Students
American & French Revolution History by College Students
Medieval History by College Students
Middle East History by College Students
Nature Interpretations
Post World War II History by College Students
The Stoned Age & Judyism by College Students


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