Thanksgiving During Biblical Times

Kumquat Dip, Kentucky Fried Dove & Roasted Camel Hump - yum, yum!

[Ways Thanksgiving might have gone down during Biblical Times...]

7. Terrible chariot jams on the way to Grandma’s house;

6. Young Israelite boys with slingshots shooting at the giant inflatable Caesar balloons which highlight every Phatama’s Thanksgiving day parade (Phatama, a holiday tradition for 60 years);

5. You think 4 days of turkey leftovers get old? Imagine roasting a camel... “Would you like the hump or a leg?”

4. No meal would be complete without an appetizer tray consisting of kumquat dip, those little round sausages that everybody likes but don’t know what they’re called, and Kentucky fried dove;

3. Ahkmed Seltzer, helping heartburn sufferers for 3 score and 7 years;

2. Men bonding after dinner while watching rip roaring gladiator games on TV; and

1. Women suddenly having the urge to go to the Jerusalem manufacturers’ marketplace the next day.


QuotaBills
My true religion is Kindness. - Dalai Lama

Every religion at its core is exclusive. - Ravi Zacharias

Superstition is the religion of feeble minds. - Edmund Burke

Thanks, Darth Obvious. Or is it Emperor Palpable? - Chuck Wendig

The atheist religion don't believe in the bible. - Archie Bunker

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Where God has his church, the Devil will have his chapel. - Spanish Proverb

The Bible tells us to forgive our enemies, not our friends. - Margot Asquith

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. - Emo Philips

Don't they get afraid, then?
They have a religion for that. - Ray Bradbury

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein

Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing

Give me a couple of pages of the Bible, and I'll give you a picture. - Cecil B. DeMille

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

Thanks to this man I've gone from over-the-counter to over-the-barrel. - Unknown

Energy, like the Biblical grain of the mustard seed, will remove mountains. - Hosea Ballou

There is a world of practical religion in simply being considerate of others. - Roger Babson

I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. - Carl Sandburg

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser

You can always borrow a corkscrew from a member of the Protestant Episcopal Church. - Chauncey Depew

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard

The first time I sang in the Church choir, two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen

Later, he told his nephew that religion required careful thought, not reflexive acceptance. - Thomas Jefferson

Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society. - Malcolm Muggeridge

I love Thanksgiving turkey - it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

Since I got to 80, I've started reading the Bible a lot more. It's kind of like cramming for my finals. - Vincent Watson

The bulletin board on the lawn of a New Jersey Church reads "We reserve the right to accept everybody." - John Kazmark

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

He who begins with Metaphysics will not only become confused in matters of religion, but will fall into complete infidelity. - Maimonides

I find that the nicest and best people generally profess no religion at all, but are ready to like the best men of all religions. - Samuel Butler

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. - Robert F. Kennedy

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin

The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ came to do three things. He came to have my past forgiven, you get a purpose for living and a home in Heaven - Rick Warren

Only through repentance and faith in Christ can anyone be saved. No religious activity will be sufficient, only true faith in Jesus Christ alone. - Ravi Zacharias


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05-Jul-2020