The Doctor ordered his patient to have not more than one drink a day.
The next week the patient reported that he was following orders and was up to March, 2018.
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb
Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields
Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields
Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
see also Beer & Doctor Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Bartender Spill
Costco Wine
Cup That Runneth Over
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Long, Happy Marriage
Looking For Your Wife?
One Glass Per Day
One Slice
Real Man’s Point System
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Romance Lost
Secret of a Good Marriage
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Understanding Women
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