How to tell if you’re celebrating a Redneck Thanksgiving
You’ve ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.
You’ve ever re-used a paper plate.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say ’Cool Whip’ on the side.
You’ve ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.
Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.
Your stuffing secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.
Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.
You have to go outside to get something out of the ’fridge.
The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.
Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent
Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock. - William Shakespeare
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - St. Ambrose
A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey. - Dolly Parton
Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown
For all that has been - thanks.
For all that will be - yes. - Dag Hammarskjold
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. - Emo Philips
We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. - Unknown
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander
Thanks to this man I've gone from over-the-counter to over-the-barrel. - Unknown
Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. - Unknown
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser
Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it. - Samuel Goldwyn
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard
Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown
I love Thanksgiving turkey - it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. - W.T. Purkiser
Your majesty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and Madame Houde thanks you from her bottom too. - Camillein Houde
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:16-18
You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin
Got no checkbooks, got no banks,
Still I'd like to express my thanks -
I got the sun in the mornin'
And the moon at night. - Irving Berlin
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. - Albert Schweitzer
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