Scottish Water

Scotsman lending a helping hand to a Brit?

Don’t mess with the Scots


A man was walking through the hills and dales of Scotland.

He stopped for a drink at a mountain stream.

An old shepherd shouted to him, “Dinna take a draught oot o the riffle, laddie; ’tis poorly wi’ the dregs o ma cattle.”
(Translation: don’t drink the water, sir; it’s full of cow dung)

The man said, “I’ll have you know I’m English. Please address me with the English language, you heathen.”

The shepherd replied, “I said use both hands. You will be able to get more in your mouth.”


QuotaBills
Water rusts pipes. - WC Fields

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

Out of water, I am nothing. - Duke Kahanamoku

RIP boiling water - you will be mist. - Unknown

Sacrilege: Shelf for bottles of holy water - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A tear is made of 1% water and 99% feelings. - Unknown

Thirst was made for water; inquiry for truth. - C S Lewis

Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea. - Janet Clarkson

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

He was so good he would pour rose water on a toad. - Douglas Jerrold

You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb

A mixture of brandy and water spoils two good things. - Charles Lamb

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry. - English Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill. - Steven Wright

People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water. - Charles Bukowski

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. - Mitch Hedberg

You can't cross the sea merely by staring at the water. - Rabindranath Tagore

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. - Josh Billings

The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water. - WC Fields

I moved to Florida because you don't have to shovel water. - James Randi

I ran a 100-mile marathon, and I was powered by coconut water. - Jesse Itzler

If I wear too much tartan I tend to look like a Thermos flask. - Ronnie Corbett

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacy. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. - Malayan Proverb

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

Love and work are to people, what water and sunshine are to plants. - Jonathan Haidt

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. - WC Fields

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it. - Steven Wright

Somewhere, behind space and time,
Is wetter water, slimier slime. - Rupert Brooke

An entire ocean can't sink a ship unless it allows the water inside. - Donna Smith

Gardening requires lots of water, most of it in the form of perspiration. - Lou Erickson

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. - Dave Barry

You don't drown by falling into water. You only drown if you stay there. - Zig Ziglar

A woman is like a teabag. Only in hot water do you realize how strong she is. - Nancy Reagan

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water. - Swedish Proverb

You can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die. - Rose

Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on. - Louis L'Amour

The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water. - Ernest Hemingway

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

We should be as water, which is lower than all things yet stronger even than the rocks. - Sioux Proverb

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. - Zen Buddhist Saying

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams

What is harder than rock, or softer than water? Yet soft water hollows out hard rock. Persevere. - Ovid

Most whale photos you see show whales in this beautiful blue water - it's almost like space. - Brian Skerry

When the clergyman's daughter
Drinks nothing but water
She's certain to finish on gin. - Rudyard Kipling

I keep looking for one more teacher, only to find that fish learn from the water and birds learn from the sky. - Mark Nepo

Be ruthless about your calendar - stick to it, hell or high water but create space for unstructured time as well. - Arjun Arora

Gold and diamonds are nice, but clean, crisp, controlled water has long been the preeminent hallmark of the rich. - Anthony Doerr

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. - Arthur Conan Doyle

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson


see also   Nationality  Section
Scottish Choices
Welcome To Scotland

 

Pittsburghese

Whose Problem

Grasping Shirt

An Evening Prayer

Baby Clone

Piano Ring

Religious Nuts

Funnel Farm

Urinal Challenge

Snow Detour

Redneck GPS

Snow Receiver

Book Perspective

Why Stand In Line?

How Twins Are Made

Ups and Downs

Irish Flu Shots

Snake Circle

Romantic Accident

Winter Mirror
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

24-Jan-2021