Dog Birthday

Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Party honesty is party expediency. - Grover Cleveland

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party. - Proverb

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party. - Craig Ferguson

Honor is not the exclusive property of any political party. - Herbert Hoover

A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz. - Humphrey Bogart

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity. - Lauren Bacall

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Just keep hanging your steamers over there. You're the one who got me into this whole expensive party here. - Archie Bunker

Bank of America is to sweetheart loans and Democratic Party payoffs as Paula Deen is to sugar and bacon grease. - Michelle Malkin

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I met a man at a party. He said, "I'm writing a novel." I said, "Oh, really? Neither am I." - Peter Cook

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash