Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Grammar: the difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts. - Unknown

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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12-Dec-2019