Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Speech is the vestibule to the palace of love. - Jami of Persia

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Ratify: To use a spell and turn a person into a rodent - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A sage thing is timely silence, and better than any speech. - Plutarch

Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart

When people are proud of their speech, be proud of your silence. - Luqman

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. - Gail Godwin

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain

Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is better. - Thomas Carlyle

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

Language: The blood of the soul into which thoughts run, and out of which they grow - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg

Human language appears to be a unique phenomenon, without significant analogue in the animal world. - Noam Chomsky

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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03-Jul-2022