Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg

In the places I go there are things that I see that I never could spell if I stopped with the Z. - Dr. Seuss

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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29-Feb-2020