White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. - Henry Cate, VII

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

I don't go around signin' no political documentaries. - Archie Bunker

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

Fence: 1. The difference between one yard and two yards; 2. Runs around the garden without moving. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Winning depends on where you put your priorities. It's usually best to put them over the fence. - Jason Giambi

Bob War: (Southern) A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: 'Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one. - Thomas Paine

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard

The truth is that whenever a fence is removed, it's wise to ask why it was put there in the first place. - Ravi Zacharias

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
Contractor Bids  (pre 2001)

 

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03-Aug-2021