White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

There will be no whitewash at the White House. - Richard M Nixon

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. - Henry Cate, VII

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Well washed and combed domestic pets grow dull; they miss the stimulus of fleas. - Francis Galton

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Political success is the ability, when the inevitable occurs, to get credit for it. - Laurence J Peter

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. - Robin Williams

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination. - Irving Layton

Bob War: (Southern) A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: 'Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can't come out and those outside don't want to get it. - Arthur Brisbane

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. - Thomas Jefferson

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

Every country must be absolutely free to adopt the type of economic, political and social system that it considers convenient. - Fidel Castro

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks. - Rick Lantern

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

Finance functions lose the potential to steer their organizations to success when they defer performance management to other functions. - Jack Alexander

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
Contractor Bids  (pre 2001)

 

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29-Jun-2022