White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

Self-government won't work without self-discipline. - Paul Harvey

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it. - John Locke

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

Politics is a profession where the paths of glory lead but to the gravy. - Billy Boy Franklin

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. - Alex Haley

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

The secret of political bargaining is to look more strong than what you really are. - Subhash Bose

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break. - William Shakespeare

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

Idealism is like a castle in the air if it is not based on a solid foundation of social and political realism. - Claude McKay

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
Contractor Bids  (pre 2001)

 

Drug Dog Search

Vice Grip Handles

Nouveau Riche

Triple Bypass Burger

Hyphenated Names

Indian Fish Pond

Lunch Anyone?

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration

Tennis Ball Retriever

One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk

Dates For Everyone

Max Occupancy Rounded to 100

Group Photo

Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

22-Oct-2020