Conservative Plant

All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. - Benjamin Disraeli

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

She caught a touch of laryngosis from the smoke. - Archie Bunker

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

Smoke detectors are basically just you-suck-at-cooking detectors. - Julius Sharpe

Voters don't decide issues, they decide who will decide issues. - George Will

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. - Robert Frost

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. - Simon Cameron

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal. - Frank Dane

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. - Benjamin Franklin

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

Mason took in enough cannabis smoke to allow a Lipan Apache manipulating a blanket over it to transmit the complete works of Tennyson. - Richard Condon

A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' - Ralph Nader

She's not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I'm all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal? - Jarod Kintz

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov