Office Sarcasm or Rules For My Boss?

Re-learning the challenge of a deadline


To all of my fellow office workers...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 p.m. and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks were you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lost all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay such high taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money, anyway.


QuotaBills
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marathon runners set explicit goals. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. - Mark Twain

My only career goal is to be a Halloween icon. - Nuno Roque

Lying in bed dreaming never got the work done. - Amish Saying

Fireplace: An office used for discharging people - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. - Pearl Bailey

Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it. - Madeleine L'Engle

I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack

Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education. - Martin Luther King Jr.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K. Jerome

Fools take to themselves the respect that is given to their office. - Aesop

Work with the raw material you have - namely you - and never let up. - Helen G Brown

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison

The best work is not what is most difficult for you; it is what you do best. - Jean-Paul Sartre

My goal was to play in the NHL, because that is the best hockey in the world. - Jaromir Jagr

Science becomes dangerous only when it imagines that it has reached its goal. - George Bernard Shaw

It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? - Ronald Reagan

Leadership is the art of giving people a platform for spreading ideas that work. - Seth Godin

Forget all the reasons it won't work and believe the one reason that it will. - Unknown

A professional is someone who does his best work when he doesn't feel like it. - Alistair Cooke

Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. - Henry David Thoreau

No one has the right to sit down and feel hopeless. There's too much work to do. - Dorothy Day

The best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. - Theodore Roosevelt

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. - Robert Frost

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

Your success is your responsibility. Take the initiative, do the work, and persist to the end. - Lori Myers

I work with gold that holds history, diamonds that see the future, and rubies that long for love. - Waris Ahluwalia

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not professional anymore. - Jeff Foxworthy

They shared the chores of living as some couples do - she did most of the work and he appreciated it. - Paula Gosling

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says when he's in love, drunk or running for office. - Shirley Maclaine

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. - Bill Copeland

I used to work at the unemployment office. I hated it because when they fired me, I had to show up at work anyway. - Wally Wang

To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living. - Frederic Amiel

Direct your energy toward achieving a goal, and tackle the problems with an emphasis on edging closer to a successful result. - Harvey Mackay

The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit. - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I work as if I were going to be the next person to need a respirator. I share in the benefits I bestow on others, and my work has enriched my life. - Forrest Bird

If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown

Good intentions aren't enough. People have good intentions when they set a goal to do something, but then they miss a deadline or other milestone. - Harvey Mackay


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06-Jul-2022