To all of my fellow office workers...
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 p.m. and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks were you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lost all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay such high taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money, anyway.
Work hard, nap hard. - Demi Lovato
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
The harder you work, the harder it is to lose. - Unknown
Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. - Saint Francis of Assisi
Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need. - Voltaire
You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy. - Bob Ross
I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse
When you play, play hard; when you work, don't play at all. - Theodore Roosevelt
We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. - Benjamin Franklin
Amateurs wait for inspiration. The real pros get up and go to work. - Harvey Mackay
There is no prejudice that the work of art does not finally overcome. - Andre Gide
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. - J.M. Barrie
Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. - John Wooden
There is no place where success comes before work, except in the dictionary. - Donald Kimball
Never be ashamed of the work you have done, only the work you haven't done. - Unknown
Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration; the rest of us just get up and go to work. - Stephen King
If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. - Jay Leno
No honest work of man or woman "fails"; it feeds the sum of all human action. - Michelene Wandor
I don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor. - Joan Rivers
Fears work into the mind like maggots in a corpse; they fester and boil and work to no good. - David C. Smith & Richard L. Tierney
Be steady and well-ordered in your life so that you can be fierce and original in your work. - Gustave Flaubert
Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. - Pamela Vaull Starr
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. - Lawrence J Peter
Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. - Newt Gingrich
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough money not to quite. - George Carlin
If A is success in life, then A = X + Y + Z. Work is X, play is Y, and Z is keeping your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn
Teamwork makes the dream work, but a vision becomes a nightmare when the leader has a big dream and a bad team. - John C Maxwell
The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. - Bill Copeland
I thank the Lord I no longer have to go to work. I just get out of bed in the morning, and there it is - all around me. - Unknown
The key to happiness and youth is an unencumbered spirit – whether it comes naturally or whether you have to work hard for it. - Emme Woodhull-Bache
If you've set goals and you want to achieve them, you have to think positively and achieving those goals will be a lot easier. - Becca Earl
Writing a new play shouldn't be seen as a mystery belonging to a priesthood, but as a technical challenge, just to get into it. - Ton Stoppard
It's said in Hollywood that you should always forgive your enemies because you never know when you'll have to work with them. - Lana Turner
Whatever success I may have attained is due to the fact that since I was old enough to work at all, my ambition has never deserted me. - Anna Held
If you are bored with life, if you don't get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don't have enough goals. - Lou Holtz
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return. - Maya Angelou
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman
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