A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”
Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”
“What’s that mean?” asked the child.
“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”
The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”
Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”
The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
He who limps is still walking. - Joan Rivers
A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton
Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe
A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb
Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown
I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein
Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb
Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb
Anywhere is walking distance if you've got the time. - Steven Wright
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare
A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine
I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner
Birds with broken wings walking on the ground were once flying high up in the sky. - Mehmet M Ildan
Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who'd lost three husbands. - Kin Hubbard
Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy
Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye
Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. - Elizabeth Gilbert
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead
Our society is walking through a maze of cultural land mines and the heaviest price is exacted as we send our children on ahead. - Ravi Zacharias
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross
The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor
Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture. - Russell Baker
Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash
He who limps is still walking. - Joan Rivers
A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton
Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe
A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb
Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown
I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein
Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffett
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb
Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb
Anywhere is walking distance if you've got the time. - Steven Wright
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. - Roger Caras
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare
A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. - Josh Billings
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine
I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner
Birds with broken wings walking on the ground were once flying high up in the sky. - Mehmet M Ildan
Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who'd lost three husbands. - Kin Hubbard
Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy
Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye
Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. - Elizabeth Gilbert
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead
Our society is walking through a maze of cultural land mines and the heaviest price is exacted as we send our children on ahead. - Ravi Zacharias
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross
The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor
Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture. - Russell Baker
Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash
see also Dog Section
Babysitter Dog
 Shot Glasses |  Men in Denim |  Chocolate Couch |  Ant Attack |  Extreme Pressure Cooker |
 Just Thinking |  Nothing Wrong Picture |  Lipstick Dog |  Hair Strengthener |  Whale Photobomb |
 World Peas |  Hide and Seek |  Hoodie Onesy |  Going Around In Circles |  Whiskey Jig |
 Redneck Mercedes |  Hala Fruit |  Hydro Water Power |  Selfie Shoes |  Tons Of Anarchy |
20-Oct-2020 |