A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”
Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”
“What’s that mean?” asked the child.
“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”
The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”
Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”
The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown
A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato
How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill
The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael
Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten
Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer
Anywhere is walking distance if you've got the time. - Steven Wright
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
I love hiking, paddle boarding and listening to the Veronicas. - Bindi Irwin
The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley
It was so hot today I saw a pigeon walking in the shadow of Orson Welles. - Johnny Carson
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. - WC Fields
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin
Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown
Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen
I can imagine few worse fates than walking around for the rest of one's life wearing a typo. - Anne Fadiman
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
If you like the outdoors, Colorado is a big adventure playground for adults: it's great for skiing, cycling, climbing, and hiking. - Tyler Hamilton
Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman
Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown
A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato
How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill
The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael
Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker
He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten
Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer
Anywhere is walking distance if you've got the time. - Steven Wright
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
I love hiking, paddle boarding and listening to the Veronicas. - Bindi Irwin
The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten
A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley
It was so hot today I saw a pigeon walking in the shadow of Orson Welles. - Johnny Carson
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. - WC Fields
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin
Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown
Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen
I can imagine few worse fates than walking around for the rest of one's life wearing a typo. - Anne Fadiman
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
If you like the outdoors, Colorado is a big adventure playground for adults: it's great for skiing, cycling, climbing, and hiking. - Tyler Hamilton
Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman
Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash
see also Dog Section
Babysitter Dog
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13-Dec-2019 |