A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”
Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”
“What’s that mean?” asked the child.
“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”
The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”
Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”
The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare
Every dog has his day. - Unknown
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe
How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill
I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein
The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet
Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller
We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer
Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb
Hiking's not for everyone. Notice the wilderness is mostly empty. - Sonja Yoerg
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. - WC Fields
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. - Barack Obama
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and this trial. - Winston Churchill
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor
Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong
Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Every dog has his day. - Unknown
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb
Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe
How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill
I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein
The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet
Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller
We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer
Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. - Steven Wright
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb
Hiking's not for everyone. Notice the wilderness is mostly empty. - Sonja Yoerg
I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. - WC Fields
The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain
Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. - Barack Obama
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and this trial. - Winston Churchill
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor
Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong
Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
see also Dog Section
Babysitter Dog
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28-Feb-2020 |