Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. - Alice Walker

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Forgiveness is a gift of high value. Yet its cost is nothing. - Betty Smith

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

For business, our Internet love affair was a gift from the gods. - Gary Vaynerchuk

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. - Wayne Dyer

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. - Emile Zola

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

God gave us the gift of lie; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. - Voltaire

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

It is one thing to be gifted and quite another thing to be worthy of one's own gift. - Nadia Boulanger

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

That the Pearl Harbor attack should have succeeded in achieving surprise seems a blessing from heaven. - Hideki Tojo

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. - Steve Pavlina

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
The Last Photo I Took
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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08-Dec-2019