Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Brevity is the soul of lingerie. - Dorothy Parker

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Conceit is God's gift to little men. - Bruce Barton

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Steve Martin

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

Forgiveness is a gift of high value. Yet its cost is nothing. - Betty Smith

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. - Steve Prefontaine

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. - Jim Valvano

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

Polly had a gift for baking pies, and she poured her heart and soul into every one she made. - Sarah Weeks

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

The older one gets, the more one feels that the present must be enjoyed; it is a precious gift, comparable to a state of grace. - Marie Curie

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
The Last Photo I Took
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

Drain Swimmer

Just In Thyme

Tie Wrap Bumper

Mexican Salad Dressing

Leaning Bookshelves

Shrunk Jeep

Quarantine Garden

Casualty Way

Painfull Skydive

You Are Grounded

Discrimination

Mountain Flock

Tea Bait

One Of Those Days

Nanosecond Moments

Fishing Addiction

Lebanon Social Distancing

Centaur of Tymfi

Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

Trudeau Trips
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

02-Apr-2020