James Bond’s Telepathic Watch

Don’t you wish you had telepathic timing?


A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”


QuotaBills
Lost time is never found again. - Benjamin Franklin

The future comes one day at a time. - Dean Acheson

Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown

I am just turning 40 and taking my time about it. - Harold Lloyd

You can fool too many people too much of the time. - James Thurber

Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up. - Ronald Wright

There's always time for the things you put first. - Unknown

Telepathy: Being too lazy to give your friends a call - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can't depend on anyone to be wrong all the time. - American Proverb

We always have time enough, if we will but use it aright. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time. - Byron Katie

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Trust has to be earned, and should come only after the passage of time. - Arthur Ashe

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams

You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right. - Casey Stengel

A man that is young in years may be old in hours, if he has lost no time. - Francis Bacon

Clement Attlee reminds me of a dead fish before it has had time to stiffen. - George Orwell

A long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy. - Charles Manson

You don't do things right once in a while. You do them right all the time. - Vince Lombardi

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? - John Wooden

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. - Andrew Carnegie

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. - Fred Allen

There was never yet a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous. - Abraham Lincoln

The first time I sang in the Church choir, two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen

I am going to give a long speech today. I haven't had time to prepare a short one. - Winston Churchill

HonkoSecond: The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You have to calendar time for yourself even if you have no idea what you're going to do with it. - Susie Bright

The masses have little time to think. And how incredible is the willingness of modern man to believe. - Adolf Hitler

Unless you devote an enormous amount of time to anticipating the future, you won't have any future. - Ron Chernow

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. - Charles Wadsworth

Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

In primitive societies, no one has a watch, but everyone has time. In advanced societies, everyone has a watch, but no one has any time. - Gerhard Geschwandtner

When you get older, you know that life's mysteries are revealed in the fullness of time. All you have to do is wait, watch, and be amazed. - Linda Gray


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26-Oct-2021