James Bond’s Telepathic Watch

Don’t you wish you had telepathic timing?


A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”


QuotaBills
Time is eternity begun. - James Montgomery

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Tailor Shop: Last of the big-time menders - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh

Time is a game played beautifully by children. - Heraclitus

Telepathy: Being too lazy to give your friends a call - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

It's only supposed to take off a little microscope at a time. - Archie Bunker

He who has done his best for his own time has lived for all times. - Friedrich Schiller

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. - Hector Berlioz

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. - Andrew Marvell

Time is a vindictive bandit to steal the beauty of our former selves. - Raphael

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig. - Robert A. Heinlein

You don't do things right once in a while. You do them right all the time. - Vince Lombardi

Grief and tragedy and hatred are only for a time. Goodness and love have no end. - George W Bush

There is not enough time in life to worry about there being enough time in life. - Atticus

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. - Betty Smith

If I've learned nothing else, it's that time and practice equal achievement. - Andre Agassi

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do. - Andrew Carnegie

Success is a two-bladed golden sword - it knights one and stabs one at the same time. - Mae West

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen

We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson

Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. - Kurt H Adler

My career must be slipping. This is the first time I've been available to pick up an award. - Michael Caine

You have to calendar time for yourself even if you have no idea what you're going to do with it. - Susie Bright

Most of us spend too much time on the last twenty-four hours and too little on the last six thousand years. - Will Durant

The friend that always finds time to spend with you without consulting his or her calendar is a true friend. - Ellen J. Barrier

If you don't write when you don't have time for it, you won't write when you do have time for it. - Katerina Stoykova Klemer

Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield

When you hunt animals, you may succeed or not. But when you open the fridge, you will succeed a hundred percent of the time. - Nora Volkow

'Good English' is whatever educated people talk; so that what is good in one place or time would not be so in another. - C S Lewis

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

I have made the tough decisions, always with an eye toward the bottom line. Perhaps it's time America was run like a business. - Donald Trump

I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy. - Oscar Wilde

When you get older, you know that life's mysteries are revealed in the fullness of time. All you have to do is wait, watch, and be amazed. - Linda Gray

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant


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25-May-2020