Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck
Only time will tell if we stand the test of time. - Van Halen
Absolute Zero: The lowest grade you can get on a test - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale
School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
URL: What you don't want the doc to say at your yearly exam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
What counts in science is to be not so much the first as the last. - Erwin Chargaff
In science there is only physics; all the rest is stamp collecting. - Lord Kelvin
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt
Science becomes dangerous only when it imagines that it has reached its goal. - George Bernard Shaw
Science is always wrong - it never solves a problem without creating ten more. - George Bernard Shaw
The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden
We look harder for flaws in a study when we don't agree with its conclusions. - Sharon Begley
I don't love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful. - Natalie Portman
If you wait until there is another case study in your industry, you will be too late. - Seth Godin
I study myself more than any other subject. That is my metaphysics, that is my physics, - Michel de Montaigne
When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley
If religion is to be treated with intellectual respect, then it must stand the test of truth. - Ravi Zacharias
If I had only three years to serve the Lord, I would spend two of them studying and preparing. - Donald G Barnhouse
Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier
One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow
You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay
I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick
Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. - Bertrand Russell
The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost
Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man’s upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Not every puzzle is intended to be solved. Some are in place to test your limits. Others are, in fact, not puzzles at all. - Vera Nazarian
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien
Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell
The test of a preacher is that his congregation goes away saying, not, 'What a lovely sermon!' but, 'I will do something!' - Billy Graham
I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Not every man can carry a full cup. Sudden elevation frequently leads to pride and a fall. The most exacting test of all is to survive prosperity. - Oswald Sanders
There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, and love. - Alan Bleasdale
I used to collect hockey cards. It was like Vegas at my school. You'd go to school with your box of cards, and at recess and lunchtime there were all these games we'd play. - Steve Nash
I'm a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country. The reason I have a little doubt, just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him. - Donald Trump
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Tall Guy Bike
Lord Voldemort Rock
Spot the Man's Head Hidden in the Coffee Beans
Political Promise Transporter
Jam Packed Suitcase
All White Meat
Alien Moon Landing
Nothing But Net
Branding Inspiration for Graphic Designers
Original Homeland Security - 2nd Amendment
Sunday Weather Forecast
On The Eighth Day
Moses Parting the Ice Field
No Smoking Fish