Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
kill it.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
should.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
o, u.
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck
Baking is science for hungry people. - Unknown
Cardiology: The study of poker playing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Maintenance is as much art as it is science. - Unknown
Only time will tell if we stand the test of time. - Van Halen
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of our science. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
All exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation. - Bertrand Russell
You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer
Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing
Success can test one's mettle as surely as the strongest adversary. - Unknown
Study nature. Love nature. Stay close to nature. It will never fail you. - Frank Lloyd Wright
High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown
Science becomes dangerous only when it imagines that it has reached its goal. - George Bernard Shaw
With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. - Groucho Marx
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen
If you thought before that science was certain - well, that is just an error on your part. - Richard P Feynman
It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test. - Elbert Hubbard
The real test of your character is your treatment of those who can be of no possible service to you. - Unknown
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
I will only hire someone to work directly for me if I would work for that person. It's a pretty good test. - Mark Zuckerberg
Statistics: the only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. - Evan Esar
Physics is about questioning, studying, probing nature. You probe, and, if you're lucky, you get strange clues. - Lene Hau
Aftermath: 1. The period following algebra; 2. The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra test. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We study the glory of God, and the honour and liberty of parliament, for which we fight, without seeking our own interests. - Oliver Cromwell
The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare
Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, and love. - Alan Bleasdale
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it. - Bertrand Russell
For one human being to love another - that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks: the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. - Rainer M Riike
I'm a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country. The reason I have a little doubt, just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him. - Donald Trump
see also College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Audible Sobs
Children’s Quotes
Daffynitions
Hangman Math
Inspiring School Exams
Nitrate
Redneck Engineering Exam
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22-Sep-2020 |