For Sale - One Useless Cat

All art is quite useless. - Oscar Wilde

Curiosity killed the cat. - English Proverb

A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

All cats appear grey in the dark. - English Proverb

Cataract: Where cats hang their coats. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. - Hazel Nicholson

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso

Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage

The kind man feeds his cat before sitting down to dinner. - Hebrew Proverb

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. - Bertrand Russell

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

Hairball: When a cat throws up to the basketball hoop, and misses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Steven Wright

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information. - Oscar Wilde

Freedom of the press is useless when people do not understand what they read. - Gerald F Lieberman

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Sleep is like my cat. I can call him by his name, but he still won't come to me. - Shane Koyczan

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson

I love cats because I enjoy my home, and little by little they become its visible soul. - Jean Cocteau

Without my Vulcan cat suit, Frankenstein wig and pointed ears, I don't get recognized. - Jolene Blalock

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless. - Homer Simpson

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. - Samuel Johnson

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mouse trap you set the night before. - Kin Hubbard

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Boat Anchor: 1. Thrown out when you need it, and taken in when you don't; 2. An old computer so useless that it needs to go to sea. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com