Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

In music the passions enjoy themselves. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. - Oscar Wilde

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. - Berthold Auerbach

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Recording Company

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist. - G K Chesterton

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

There are two kinds of music, the good and bad. I play the good kind. - Louis Armstrong

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. - George Carlin

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

Music has healing power. It has the ability to take people out of themselves for a few hours. - Elton John

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

Music is by far the most wonderful method we have to remind us each day of the power of personal accomplishment. - Chris S Salazar

A university is an institution that has two thousand seats in the classrooms and eighty thousand in the stadium. - Unknown

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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30-May-2020