Soon Wal-Mart customers will be able to sample a
new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail
chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the
spirits at an affordable price - in the $1-4 range.
While wine experts may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand
wine into their shopping carts, there is a growing demand for cheap wine from
Redneck conno-sewers, according to Bubba Borkoff, professor of marketing at
Kentucky University. He said, “The right name is important.”
Here are the top 35 suggested names for Wal-Mart’s Redneck Vintage (2004) wine...
35. Box O’ Grapes
34. Grapes O’ Rath
33. Bubba’s Wiser
32. Houndog Hooch
31. Jethroze Jugs
30. Charred An Eh du Jour (Canadian Newfie’s favourite, eh!)
29. Sew Vinney Blank
28. Trailer Trash Coonies (looks just like yer pets - comes cheaper by the bag)
27. Whine and Dine
26. Sparkling Whine
25. Whine Racks (recipe from the Middle Ages)
24. Bubba Sangria (B.S. for short)
23. Sam Pain (hi-end, Bubba-ly stuff)
22. Bored Eau Wine (made with almost-real water!)
21. Nap’ A Valley Whine (ya’ll sleep real good after a jug o’ this stuff!)
20. Son O’ Ma Country (made close to that Nap’ A Valley place)
19. Saw Vinno Blanks (shooters for up-country folks)
18. Semi Lon (for those who only want half a keg)
17. Licker’s Quicker
16. Front n’ Back (pours the same from the top or the bottom)
15. Chateau Traileur Parc (some jugs sold as Chateau Traileur Doublewide)
14. White Trashfindel
13. Big Red Gulp
12. Grape Expectations
11. Domaine Wal-Mart “Merde du Pays”
10. NASCARbernet
9. Chillin William
8. Chef Boyardeaux
7. Peanut Noir
6. Blue Light Special Nun
5. Chateau des Moines
4. Martha Stewart’s Sour Grapes
3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (possum)
and red meat (squirrel). Who says they don’t know wine in Arkansas?
In wine, there is truth. - Pliny the Elder
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp
If God forbade drinking, would He have made wine so good? - Cardinal Richelieu
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
Some wines improve with age, but only if the grapes were good in the first place. - Abigail Van Buren
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. - Fran Lebowitz
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor
The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison
see also Beer & Wine, Redneck & Shopping Sections
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Costco Wine
Fruit Salad Dinner
Glass Prescription
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Texas Wine Glass
Wal-Mart Job Application
WalMart Math
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