An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Ukrainian perogies with fried onions wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. If not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table was literally hundreds of his favourite perogies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his Ukrainian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the perogies was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered man trembled on his way to the perogies at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
“Back off!” she said. “They’re for the funeral.”
The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz
Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber
Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil. - The French Chef
Don't pick at your food. It won't heal. - Hawkeye Pierce
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw
You don't need a silver fork to eat good food. - Paul Prudhomme
Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate. - Alan D Wolfe
The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese
Chocolate is more than a food, but less than a drug. - R J Huxtable
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
Food tastes best when you eat it with your own spoon. - Denmark Proverb
Food is not just eating energy. It's an experience. - Guy Fieri
I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian
I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child
In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. - Julia Child
Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou
I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food. - Will Ferell
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food. - Unknown
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
The maxim that the "best is the cheapest" does not apply to food. - W.O. Atwater
When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus
When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy
From an early age I understood that cooking was never going to be a job, it's a passion. - Gordon Ramsay
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. - JRR Tolkien
I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. I don't even know where Sandwiches live. - Bill Murray
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor
The automatic stabilizer is unemployment insurance, food stamps, additional coverage of Medicaid. - Franklin Raines
The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain
I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. - Carol Burnett
I wouldn't pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands. - Bill Murray
What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron
No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro
The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller
An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields
One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli
Food, Marriage, Religious & Tombstone Sections
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Redneck Car Swing
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TP For Those With Money To Throw Away