A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.”
“What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”
“Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands.”
“We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really.”
“Oh,” said the bartender, “what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes.”
“One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”
“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird crap!”
“Arrgh, it was me first day with the hook.””
I'm not a pirate. I'm an innovator. - Ken Dotcom
Aren't most of you descended from pirates? - Prince Philip
Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble
Every generation welcomes the pirates from the last. - Lawrence Lessig
If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch
There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson
It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy. - Steve Jobs
Whether we wound or are wounded, the blood that flows is red. - Eiichiro Oda
Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown
Day and night, their frail and crippled ships defy the tempest. - Jorge Luis Borges
The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli
Charity followed the pirate. To salvation or to hell, she would soon find out. - Tamara Hughes
Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp
There is more treasure in books than all the pirate's loot on treasure island. - Walt Disney
Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard
When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones
I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. - Todd Barry
A man never spoke ill of his captain, pirate or no, unless he was prepared to back his words with the might of the crew. - Matt Tomerlin
It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin
I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah
There's very little admirable about being a pirate. There's very little functional about a pirate. There's very little real about a pirate. - Will Oldham
see also Stress & Survivor Sections
Aye Matey
Halifax Pirate
Happy ARRRRRRRHH!
How To Become A Pirate
Pirate Breakfast
Pirate Patch
Pirate Ship Bedroom
Pirate Star Wars
Pirate’s Steering Wheel
Pirate X-ray
Road Pirate
Somalia Pirate Souvenir
 Tip Discount |  Staff Meeting |  Prince Bag |  Ice Cream Clouds |  Sun Dial Fail |
 Rolling Stop |  Ghetto Hammock |  Cooking For Guys |  Walkies |  Ultimate Border Control Protection |
 Note Flasher |  Lineup For Dinner |  Do Nothing Day |  Horn Blower |  Breathe in the Ocean |
 Skywalking |  Low Ceiling Workout |  Maxi Boot Sorbet |  OCD Highschool |  Kona Lisa |
23-Jan-2020 |