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Why Men are NOT allowed to write advice columns



Dear Joe:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband, Fred, in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.

When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Ms. Mary Carter
PS - here’s a picture of Fred at a San Antonio bar...

Why men should not write advice columns


Dear Mary:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Joe


QuotaBills
Uniform: Sheep's clothing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lawsuits: Clothes worn by an attorney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life is a relationship between molecules. - Linus Pauling

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

Don't give advice unless you're asked. - Amy Alcott

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

Advice is like mushrooms. The wrong kind can prove fatal. - Charles E McKenzie

I'll cry at the end of the day, not with fresh makeup. - Kim Kardashian

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. - Wayne Dyer

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork. - Jonathan Swift

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Excise: The clothes hanging in your closet that fit before the holidays. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

"Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people. - Mark Twain

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. - Yves St. Laurent

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. - Voltaire

My movies are usually about stripping off the makeup, getting down to the skeleton. - Michael Douglas

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Advice from your friends is like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad. - Unknown

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice. - Charles Kettering

An almost perfect relationship with his father was the earthly root of all his wisdom. - C S Lewis

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy. - Ralphie May

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. - Mark Twain

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

It is the eye of other people that ruin us. If I were blind I would want, neither fine clothes, fine houses or fine furniture. - Benjamin Franklin

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

A problem occurs when people want the benefits of a relationship with God without the responsibilities of a relationship with God. - Jim Herring

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar


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17-May-2022