Show Me Your ID

Do you have Presidential qualifications?


President Biden walks into the Bank of America on Martha’s Vineyard to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, “Good morning Ma’am, could you please cash this check for me?”

Cashier: “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

Biden: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am President Joe Biden, the President of the United States of America!”

Cashier: “Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”

Biden: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

Cashier: “I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

Biden: “I am urging you, please, to cash this check.”

Cashier: “Look Mr. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods, he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot, whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?”

Biden stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says, “Honestly, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single qualification I’m good at.”

Cashier: “Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

The bad guys always get a vote. - Navy saying

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

Politics is war by other measures. - Steve Bannon

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom. - Soren Kierkegaard

Liberty, once lost, is lost forever. - John Adams

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom. - Hannah Arendt

Political correctness is tyranny with manners. - Charlton Heston

Heresy is another word for freedom of thought. - Graham Greene

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Liberty is never being too sure you're right. - Learned Hand

America is a land where men govern, but women rule. - John M Brown

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means. - Zhou Enlai

Only our individual faith in freedom can keep us free. - Dwight D Eisenhower

American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense. - Ed Howe

Political War: One in which everyone shoots from the lip - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Liberty: One of Imagination's most previous possessions. - Ambrose Bierce

Time misspent in youth is sometimes all the freedom one ever has. - Anita Brookner

Voters don't decide issues, they decide who will decide issues. - George Will

Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing. - Ayn Rand

Passion and prejudice govern the world, only under the name of reason. - John Wesley

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Do not overdo it. - Lao Tzu

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

The trouble with free elections is, you never know who is going to get in. - Leonid Brezhnev

Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing. - Bernard Baruch

Freedom is always and exclusively freedom for the one who thinks differently. - Rosa Luxemburg

North of the 49th parallel we value equality; south of it, they treasure freedom. - Michael Adams

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

We have within us an extraordinary capacity for love, joy, and unshakable freedom. - Jack Kornfield

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

I learned a long time ago in Hollywood that the only person I should vote for is myself. - Jack Nicholson

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death. - Patrick Henry

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination. - Irving Layton

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan

Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

The more decisions that you are forced to make alone, the more you are aware of your freedom to choose. - Thornton Wilder

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - E.B. White

I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. - H L Mencken

They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce

Freedom is a personal and lonely battle; and one faces down the fears of today so that those of tomorrow might be engaged. - Alice Walker

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. - Andy Borowitz

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. - Thomas Jefferson

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

Freedom comes only to those who no longer ask of life that it shall yield them any of those personal goods that are subject to the mutations of time. - Bertrand Russell

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov


see also   Government  Section
Biden His Time
Biden in the Oval Office
Invisible Air Force One

Abbey Road Joe-kster and Bernie
Ancient Politician
Anthropomorphic Nouns
Appease The Virus
Awkward
Basement Liberals
Before Political Correctness
Best Fairy Tale
Boycott Bills
Brazilian Covid
Busted Politician
Bye Bye
Canada Strikes Back
Canadian Senator Books
Carbon Issues
Cheap Plywood
Chicago Politics
Clinton Portrait
Clorox Chewables
Clown Vision
Coming In, Going Out
Commemorative Pistol
Concession Speech
Cornrow Politics
Covid Vaccine Testing
Da Queen
Dog Park
Donald Trump Eagle
Don’t Touch Your Face
Economic Stimulation
Election Math
Evel Knievel Tickets
Fake News
Fine Mess
Flying Start in Sydney, Australia
For Americans
Forget The Wall
Good Stuff Or Else
Government Debt
Government Snow Plow
hAir Force One
Historic Texting
Holes of the World
How To Get A Liberal Contract
How To Steal An Election
How To Stop The Oil Leak
I’ll Be Back
Illegal Immigration
Ineptocracy
Irish Diplomacy
It’s So Cold That ...
Just Saying Goodbye
Lessons of Valor
Lie Clock
Lifeguard Distancing
Lincoln Lineage
Lobert Ree
Lodge Welcome
Mandela Perspective
Mea Culpa Road
Mexican Phys Ed Classes
Mexico Will Pay For The Wall
Motion Detector Camera Night Activity
Mr. Dressup II
NAACP Cover Up
New Nativity Scene
New Rolling Stones Guitarist
New Year Refusal
Noah's 2021 Ark
'None Of The Above' Election Option
Non Politician
Ode To The Welfare State
Organized Crime
Parasite Trivia
Peak Bernie
Political Floor
Political Promise Hauler
Political Promise Transporter
Political Road Sign
Politician Plane
Politician Training
Politicians Be Like
Politician’s Wage
Politics 101
Politics in Canada and the United States
President Google
President Guidance
Presidential Election
Proportional Representation - the Real Agenda
Republicans Will Make Me Work For My Benefits
Ruling On Criticism
Run, Bernie, Run!
Should Have Pulled Out
Socialist Job
Speaking The Truth
St. Peter’s Politics
Stop The Pipeline
Tax Rack
Temperature Tax
Tested Positive
Texas Sandfest Winning Sculpture
Thank You, Canada
The Art Of Politics
The Power of Makeup
Tobacco Smoke Enema
Trudeau Masterpiece
Trudeau Trips
Trump Cross
Trump Hair Trade Agreement
Trump Whines
Two Cow Capitalism
Two Cow Politics
Unemployed Politicians
Voting Outhouse
We’re Off to See the Wizard!
Welcome To Canada
Welcome To Manitoba
Welfare State
White House Phone - Communication Problems
Without Government
Worked For Them
Wrongulator (Congress Calculator)
You Want Change?
Your Choice

 

Awkward

Soldier Salute

You Turn

Australia 101 For Tourists

Horse Wood Sculpture

Changing Priorities Ahead

Fishing With Moses

Expired Marriage

Goose Walkers

Minion HotHead

Christopher Walken

Greek Financial Path

Miss Afghanistan Finalists

Fawn Of You

Swimming in the Dead Sea

Redneck Beer Stacker

Hot Summer Days

mIndians

Mouthful Of Information

Happy Face Sandwich
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

03-Jul-2022