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Ketchup: 1. Motivation for the last runner in a race; 2. Come from behind; 3. What the runners behind in a race want to do; 4. The sea of tomato-based goop kids use to drown the dish that Mom spent hours cooking and years perfecting to get the seasoning just right; 5. Command shouted at tomato that is slowest to ripen.
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Greyhound Trainer: A race cur driver
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Diatribe: 1. An extinct race; 2. The group of native Brits that worship the late Princess Diana.
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Breath: What winners of a race lose
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Parking Lot Attendant: Professional fender bender
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Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe
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Necrophilia: The uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one
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Masseuse: A woman who doesn't keep her hands to herself
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Lamb: An animal that gets more sheepish with age
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Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards
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Jeet: (Southern) Have you recently had a meal? Usage: 'Jeet yet?'
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Impotience: Eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription
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Gastric Ulcer: Something you get mountain-climbing over mole hills
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Fibula: A small lie
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Endless Loop: See Loop, Endless
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Demagogue: A politician who can rock the boat and persuade everyone else that they're in a terrible storm
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Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftover leftovers
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Bribery: Using money as a blindfold
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Abdicate: 1. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach; 2. Strenuous labour.
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Smoking won't send you to hell; it'll just make it like you've been there.
Phil Callaway

Live so that the pastor won't have to lie at your funeral.
Phil Callaway

Grace: nutrient in the marriage garden
Phil Callaway

Assume that your opponent is wrong, and then explain his error, and the world will be at your feet.
Ezekiel Bulver
C.S. Lewis, "Bulverism," God in the Dock (Eerdmans: 1970) 273

Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days.
Phil Callaway

The bad guys always get a vote.
Navy saying

Americans should not go abroad to slay dragons they do not understand in the name of spreading democracy.
John Quincy Adams

America has no permanent friends or enemies, only interests.
Henry Kissinger

Today's comics use 4-letter words as a shortcut to thinking.
Red Skelton

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
Red Skelton

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always 20 years behind the times.
Mark Twain

Burned-Out Hippie: One who now takes antacids instead of acids
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Mancation: A man's vacation. Generally includes lots of beer, a Redneck grill, slabs of meat for cooking and a sack of fireworks.
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Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire
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Railroads: Two backbones with a thousand ribs
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Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way
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Passing Tone: Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
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BP: Company in Gulf of Mexico that turns your barbecue into a tarbecue.
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Barbeque: 1. Long line waiting to buy a popular doll; 2. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he 'made the dinner.'
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Plugthug: Someone who'd kill for access to recharging facilities
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Revolt: Recharge a battery
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Window: 1. A looking-out glass; 2. Place in the truck to hang your guns.
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Truck Driver: 1. A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people; 2. A guy who goes the route.
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Good Sportsmanship: Not picking up lost golf balls while they are still rolling
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Doughnuts: 1. Rolling Scones; 2. The only nuts with holes in them.
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Bandages: The Rolling Stones
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Propaganda: 1. Patriotism as practiced by our enemies; 2. Polite, well behaved male goose.
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Quake: Fearful duck call
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Quack: A duck's Doctor
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Goose: A bird that supplies quills for writing
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Goose Pimples: Duck acne
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Word Play
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