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Image Caption Submissions: #251+
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Image Caption Contest #1 Winners for Image Captions #s 1 - 100 (Closed)
Image Caption Contest #2 Winners
for Image Captions #s 101 - 203 (Closed)


251. "Teeter TottHer"
A. Kyle Ziegler:
"The backboard, before basketball came about."
B. Idske Mulder:
"The singing see-saw"
C. Jennifer Laxton:
"Kids bored? Try this board!"
D. David Watts:
"It's always a good idea to stretch the wings a bit before you get off the ground."
E. Marlene Goodman:
"Here's a mom trying to balance work and kids."
F. Liz Brewer:
"Hey dad, this is way more fun than burying mom in the sand and I can launch little Susie too!"

252. "Not You!"
A. Spencer Thomas:
"How’s that 1980’s hit song by Little River Band go again? – ‘Time for a Cool Train...’ "
B. Finbarr McSweeney:
"First Class passengers only, move along!"
C. Irvin Kauffman:
"Her Knight Dampens His..."
D. Kyle Ziegler:
"Water you waiting for lady? Get on board!"
E. Karen Moore:
"Amtrak introduces new watered-down rates - ladies first!"
F. David Watts:
"Hold the train, oh I thought you said 'Hose the Dame'!", "Fridays are wet t-shirt day, no exceptions!" & "Lady, if you think you're getting on this train, well you're all wet!"
G. Idske Mulder:
"She always wanted to make a splashing entrance..."
H. Terry Fiedor:
"I coulda had a V-8!"
I. Marlene Goodman:
"Welcome to the ultimate reality tour to Niagara Falls."
J. Rob Vajko:
"Shower included in the service!"
K. Ronnie Smith:
"Cigarette? I thought your face was on fire lady."
L. Bill McCall: "Another person's 'Bucket List' may not be your cup of tea!"
M. Mike Morrow: We have the cleanest passengers on earth. Either they arrive that way or we make it happen. No extra charge. Just part of the service, ma’am.
N. Fred Piceno: This is a pail of ‘number 1.’ Be thankful you didn’t try to get on car ‘number 2.’

253. "Long Kiss"
A. Reg Cunningham:
"He suspected she was full of hot air... "
B. Gordon Frasier:
"Love affair blown out of proportion."
C. Karen Moore:
"Inflation in the animal kingdom."
D. Donald Sartori:
"Has it come to this? Inflatable girlfriends?"
E. Girish Gangadharan:
"Setting Great Heights in Kissing"
F. Marlene Goodman:
"Back off, Charlie. She's MY date for tonight!"
G. Tom Clyne: ...so I planted a kiss and was getting ready for a little necking, then she let a giant fart and collapsed right there
H. Fred Piceno: Wow! I’ve heard she was getting plastic surgery - but this is ridiculous.

254. "Pour Picture"
A. Finbarr McSweeney:
"I'd better replace the glass before the tide comes in."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"The end of a pregnant moment!"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Reality art"
D. Terry Fiedor:
E. Marlene Goodman:
"Drat! Why didn't I buy the picture of a pile of money!?" & "Nuts! This stupid picture can't hold its water."
F. Peter Hysen: Water Colour
G. Mike Morrow: This happens every time the picture gets a little crooked.
H. Fred Piceno: I told him that I wanted the picture to be at EYE level, not SEA level.

255. "Face Plant"
A. Kirk Lowry: "Doh!" & "Knuckle sandwich: Its what's for dinner!"
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"A Right Glib Jab at Acne, but Clearsil it Ain't!"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Is this the Punch and Judy show?"
D. Terry Fiedor:
"It worked MUCH better in Looney Tunes!"
E. Girish Gangadharan:
"Face unfolded"
F. Marlene Goodman:
"I REALLY, REALLY could have had a V-8!" & "Punch drunk and slap happy are not a good combo."
G. W. Breigneran: " Under O'Bama's health care plan, this is first aid for a nose bleed"
H. Alan Washburn: Sucker Punch ” & When I get done here, Mom can use me for the stool plunger!
I. Mike Morrow: Mom said that if I kept doing this it would get stuck that way. Oh, I hope not!

256. River Crossing
A. Kirk Lowry: Washington used a boat? Amateur!” & Mental note: next time we go waterskiing... bring a boat.
B. Richard Olszewski: New ferry service opens on the Thames - costs peanuts to ride!
C. Idske Mulder: Spot the real bridgeheads...
D. Irvin Kauffman: Bridges? We don't need no Stinking... Bridges!
E. Marlene Goodman: 'Cirque de Sol-deep' is in town.” & A fun new way to river cruise: pack a suitcase and pachyderm.
F. Mike Morrow: I am surely glad I ordered the extra long air intake.

257. Company Escape Clause
A. Karen Moore: Are you heading up or down the corporate ladder?
B. Kirk Lowry: Cutting down on company 'bathroom break' abuse” & The irony is, once you reach the bathroom on the 12th floor, you no longer need to go.
C. Marlene Goodman: Stairway to the complaint department” & The funny part is when the first door locks behind you and the other one is bolted.
D. Idske Mulder: I'm not taking the St.... Aircase!
E. Carl Restivo: Low Bidder again, huh?
F. Mike Morrow: Full access to all floors between 83 and 84.
G. Wayne Breighner: They say if you use these stairs, it will cure your hiccups.
H. Fred Piceno: Smoking is permitted only on the 17th to 18th floor stairwell.

258. Facial Hair
A. Camille La Ronde: Knot such a good idea for tangled hair.
B. Irvin Kauffman: The Winner of Today's Face-off is a Heady young lass!
C. Donald Sartori: Well, the coven thought this was cool.
D. Idske Mulder: Dolls get in her hair & No matter what, she keeps her hair on!
E. Marlene Goodman: That's quite a heads of hair she's got!, The sad collection of all the victims of her doll beheadings perpetrated by her brother. & RaPUNKzel
F. Mike Morrow: I just can’t face combing this out again.

259. Pipe Pants
A. Idske Mulder: Oooops! & Escape vent
B. Irvin Kauffman: Looks as though he escaped 'bent', (from the 2010 Wizard of Ooze!) & Did you find your ring yet?
C. Teresa Cromer: Santa! You've just got to lay off the hooch in December - the whole world is out looking for you!
D. Marlene Goodman: (Tap-tap-tappity-tap) Shuffle off to Buffaloooooo!

260. Laptop Security
A. Reba Hansinger: How to spot dyed-in-the-wool hijackers.
B. Jason Branson: Dear passengers, new airport security measures require you to place your underwear in front of you at all times.
C. Irvin Kauffman: Dim bulb terrorist laptop wrap keeps your secrets safe on Virgin Airlines! & Saving Money for Upkeep on those 71 One-time Virgins!
D. Donald Sartori: Nobody can pull the wool over this guy.
E. Marlene Goodman: The underpants bomber takes it to new heights - The Long Johns Bomber& Keeps your private email private... and toasty warm.
F. Idske Mulder: Nutwear & The type type
G. Chris Toews: The new 'Interknit' is all the rage!
H. Andrew Banner: He so nearly got away with watching the porn movie - if only he'd turned the sound Off.
I. Fred Piceno: “All electronic devices must be turned off,” she said. HA! They’ll never catch me.

261. Unlikely Friends
A. Karen Moore: The Jungle Book predators forged a lifelong friendship.
B. Roger Holt: Lions and sheep and bears, Oh my! & Keep telling them we're Wolves in sheep's clothing, they've believed us so far...
C. Idske Mulder: The interesting part begins when they make a stop...
D. Talitha Mayo: I thought I told you kids to put the matching pair on the outside.
E. Mike Morrow: No cost fuel. When it is time to fill ‘em up, just let them loose and they refill automatically.

262. Plain Plane Seat
A. Kirk Lowry: Economy sucks. & Parenting + Travel = Pain in neck
B. Idske Mulder: When Dad's reading, I'm his eyes and ears.
C. Andrew Banner: Are we nearly there yet?
D. Girish Gangadharan: Habits of Peeping Toms at their Best Heights
E. Mike Morrow: A future flight attendant, Ralph was already checking that all passengers had their seat belts fastened while seated.

263. Redneck Windshield Wiper
A. Carol Thornton: Left, right, left, right...
B. Marlene Goodman: One day Bubba was drunk and kept forgetting to pull the rope: Taa-daa - Intermittent Wipers was invented!
C. Kirk Lowry: Green-ish car: expends less energy cleaning the windows while blasting the AC to compensate for the windows being down! & Introducing Ford's new concept car, the Orleans... not to be driven in rain.
D. Andrew Banner: See, I see stopped those Wiper Thieves... Darn, my stereo's gone.
E. Idske Mulder: It’s not just the rich who are pulling the strings...
F. Mike Morrow: The only time this is a problem is when it is raining and it comes in the windows. But when it is dry, it is a completely workable system.
G. Ralph Hammerl: With optional chain and anchor brakes

264. Elephant Enema
A. Sam Joseph: Yet another reason why Republicans are requesting lobbying reform. & What happens when lobbyists run low on funds.
B. Kirk Lowry: Mondays... And this year's award for the 'All-Time Crappiest Job' goes to... & Hey! My keys!!!
C. Donald Sartori: If you think this is bad, I only work for peanuts. I didn't know condoms came in blue XXXXXL. Hey, I think I found Jimmy Hoffa. & Darn, jobs are hard to find!
D. Karen Moore: Jethro had an in-stink-t that this was going to be a long job.
E. Terry Fiedor: Another RINO pooped out. & I know I left that hammer somewhere...
F. Marlene Goodman: Son of a gun. Roger really DOES get pooped out on the job. & You think elephant artificial insemination is bad... you should see what he has to do to get her to agree to a date!
G. William Dillingham: And on our next edition of Dirty Jobs...
H. Andrew Banner: Stop singing that U2 song, 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for...'
I. Idske Mulder: After that smear campaign he left the job. & Have you smelled anything out yet?
J. Mike Morrow: (Guy on the right) Yeah, my job sucks but, at least, I don’t have to do THAT!
K. Fred Piceno: Hey! I finally found the TV remote... and the TV.

265. Armpit Inspectors
A. Brenda Culligan: Candidates line up for the next Hair-e Potter film.
B. Dave Leduk: Inspiration or Perspiration?
C. Kirk Lowry: 'Go to college,' he said... 'get a Philosophy degree', he said... frikkin real-world... & Declassified documents reveal CIA's latest Guantanamo Bay methods
D. Marlene Goodman: Yeech. This speed-dating doggy style is for the birds!
E. Idske Mulder: Which one smells worst? That’s a tickler!
F. Steven Nickerson: OK... Now turn your head to the left and cough.
G. Chris Toews: This job is the pits!
H. Fred Piceno: SECRET: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
I. Ralph Hammerl: Who does feminine hygiene products?

266. Hot Air Balloon Dominoes
A. Neal Marcia: Whoops, that's one shitty collision!
B. Kirk Lowry: Well, crap. Two points!Friends don't let friends drive under the influence. & He's been in there forever? Hang on, I'll get him out...
C. Marianne Merz: Knock, knock! Who's there? Gondola! Gondola who? Gone to da Loo!
D. Pete Tuzna: Off the shitter Dorothy, we're going to Kansas.
E. Marlene Goodman: Woo-Hoo! Gonna be a spare! I love hot air bowling!
F. Idske Mulder: What a bumpkin!
G. Mike Morrow: Oh, boy. I have been wanting to do this for years. It is why I got into hot air ballooning in the first place. HOORAY!
H. Fred Piceno: Sure, you can laugh now, but wait until you find out that your wife was in the first one.

267. Head Loose Socket
A. Karen Moore: Time for Bob to switch to CFL (Cranium Fixed Lighting) fluorescent bulbs.
B. Kirk Lowry: Bob... yer gettin ahead of yerself again... Two points! & One screw loose...
C. Irvin Kauffman: To Me, Socket!
D. Andrew Banner: Right, ... Where did I put my spec's?
E. Marlene Goodman: Son of a gun, mom was right! I hate when this happens. & Oh great, now I'm really unscrewed!
F. Idske Mulder: Never apply for a job as a headhunter! He always takes his decisions head-first. & It’s obvious his wife dropped by during lunch hour: She’s talked his head off again!
G. Fred Piceno: I really need to get my head screwed on straight.
H. Ralph Hammerl: I ain’t got nobody

268. Left Hanging
A. Kirk Lowry: Now required by building and housing code for all residences in New Orleans...
B. Andrew Banner: And the Building plans quite clearly say the pool should be here?
C. Idske Mulder: Well, don't think this well was built well... or is there a well downstairs?
D. Marlene Goodman: Once again it proves that architecture and drinking do not mix.
E. Finbarr McSweeney: Now that that’s installed, let’s fit the diving board.

269. World’s First Binary Signal
A. Vangie Stregar: Twitter’s first text message had a 2-character limit.
B. Kirk Lowry: Okay, send this: 'Now...open...New...Choctaw...Casino...better...comps...better...appetizers...bring...the...kids...' & Before the advent of the parallel cable, print jobs had to be sent to the printer manually.
C. Idske Mulder: Word spread fast when Native Americans struck oil - oil - oil - o - oil - oo!
D. Marlene Goodman: Clearly, this guy has nothing to say.
E. Mike Morrow: There are only 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who do not.
F. Jerri Pittman: Ummmm... We tried to tell you years ago when we cut the first Telegram wires. It’s all dashes and dots or if you prefer, binary code.

270. Boat Man
A. Irvin Kauffman: Rubber Ducky Outbored Blind! & 'Dang, dang it All!' (Repeat that over and over on your handbells [C BC A, etc.])
B. Idske Mulder: Rubber Ducky Outbored Blind!
C. Marlene Goodman: Zen tubing: Become one with the rubber ducky.
D. Fred Piceno: You’ll wonder where the yellow went...

271. Looking Ahead
A. Irvin Kauffman: Overview of Life in China by I.M. Brown from the Sun
B. Idske Mulder: Maybe he’s walking on air, but he won’t reach cloud 9 unless the little girl lets go of the string.
C. Marlene Goodman: Oh man, I’ve got to go to the bathroom and this kid never lets go!
D. Girish Gangadharan: En(light)ment

272. Lion Tail Tale
A. Roger Holt: This guy’s got a tale to tell, and he ain’t lion...
B. Erika Miller: Behind The Scenes: How Disney Pictures selected Aslan in “The Chronicles of Narnia”
C. Rich Olszewski: Don’t ever ask your Dad to get cattails for your science project.
D. Idske Mulder: It’s no good lion around in the water in Africa... & Leave that fish alone! It’s mine!
E. Marlene Goodman: This lion water skiing isn’t as fun as it looked. & Get back here. Don’t you know cats hate water?
F. Girish Gangadharan: Pussy Tails
G. Mike Morrow: By pulling this? Is this really the way to start one of these things up? This does not look right to me!

273. Snowplow For Seniors
A. Mildred Hennessey: Next year Sven plans on buying chains for his snow tires.
B. Kirk Lowry: Budget cuts. & Economic downturns affect us all.
C. Idske Mulder: When George said his relative would clear the driveway for $10 per hour, I thought he said he was eighteen!
D. Marlene Goodman: Maybe this would work better if I walked backward. & What happened to all my pool balls?
E. Mike Morrow: Well, goodness... As soon as I get through with one pass, I have to do the same area again. It is already full of snow. Some part of this setup must be defective.

274. Winter Laundry
A. Gwen Dawnlan: Inga’s laundry hook doubles as a fishing pole. Fishing Pole in a fishing hole. & World’s first fishing Pole.
B. Norm Densen: When you know it’s time to upgrade your washing machine.
C. Idske Mulder: Freezing out the laundry
D. Terry Fiedor: I know little Johnny’s in here SOMEWHERE...
E. Andrew Banner: ... and I’m telling you, it was the Loch Ness monster - just down there!
F. Marlene Goodman: At least I don’t have to starch the long johns in this weather. & I sure hope I don’t shatter my towels again.

275. Redneck Tricycle
A. Idske Mulder: I wheelie got a nice view up here!
B. Marlene Goodman: Gotta watch that head clearance under the viaduct. I woulda had more wheels ’cept I can't count past 3. & Ya think the semi will notice a wheel missin’?
C. Girish Gangadharan: Huge Front Ends realized with Small Back Support.
D. Mike Morrow: Yeah, I know it looks a bit goofy now, but once I get the training wheels off this sucker... it will ROCK!

276. Elephant Ludo
A. Stan Rechtum: Not recommended for those with colds. & Inhale at own risk.
B. Maggie McCort: Sooooo, where’s the coke?
C. Bernice Redekop: Follow Mom’s lead ’cause she nose best!
D. Marlene Goodman: I sure hope there aren’t any boogers inside this thing from the last guy using it. & OMG, don’t sneeze, don’t sneeze, don’t sneeze...
E. Mike Morrow: Oh, man, I wish I knew some REAL elephants. They could do this in no time!
F. Fred Piceno: It looks like fun but it’snot.

277. Cheap Flight
A. Steve Jeske: What employees did when they were given their wok-ing papers...
B. Muriel Franklin: Shandong Airlines Flight 315 - turn around, then circle around the cyclone!
C. Andrew Banner: Aussies practice Beached whales rescue following floods & World strongest team competition 2011 gets under way
D. Bill McCall: Obviously a left wing plot! Capt. Won Wing Lo again lands in rice paddy Left 310. Jet Fuel is in short supply in China, passengers help out. Hell or high water doesn’t deter standby passengers! Hmmm, someone - go look and see what direction the right wing group is going? & Oh no! Not again! I think I wet my pants.
E. Marlene Goodman: I’m not going to book my cheap flight online ever again! & Had to fly stand-by coach AND overshot the runway. Phooey!
F. Girish Gangdharan: Turn the Wings of Fortune in times of distress
G. Mike Morrow: Well, I’ll be Shandonged. This is too hard to do. & I never knew you could start one of these by pushing it.

278. Laundry Load
A. Dan Bowker: India’s rupee devaluation results in run on banks.
B. Karen Moore: East Indian Mafia finds new way to launder money.
C. Steve Traynor: Women protest unequal job opportunities in booming laundry market.
D. Girish Gangadharan: Over-Burdened yet Balanced Indian Economy
E. Myra Reynolds: Always caught between loads of laundry?
F. Andrew Banner: Shamed Indian Police stated, 'Largest Marijuana capture was faked to lift crime figures'
G. Marlene Goodman: A bad day in Deli: It’s a long way from the Ganges, and no cab.
H. Mike Morrow: Next time, Shindeep, we are NOT going to wait 17 years to do our laundry!
I. Fred Piceno: If we can just it get past the Border Patrol Police this load of Marijuana will make us rich!

279. Spaghetti Topping
A. Tanis Landover: Who needs tofu when you’ve got toe food?
B. Trev Woodward: Some diet plans let you eat all the hi-carb pasta you want.
C. Erika Woodward: Stella wanted to lose weight before she gained weight.
D. Tara Randorf: New alternative to head cheese.
E. Marlene Goodman: Maybe I shouldn’t do my pedicures during lunchtime...
F. Fred Piceno: This gives a whole new meaning to “putting your foot in your mouth.”
G. Ralph Hammerl: I'd rather use soap and water

280. Alien Seating
A. Rick Hennessey: Fans traveled long distances to watch the NCAA Final.
B. Andrew Banner: I’m sure one of them dropped one - Phew! & It is... It is... I'm telling you it’s Jedward!!!
C. Marlene Goodman: If Segourney Weaver shows up, we’re outta here! & Ya pop out of a guy’s gut, ya get to a game... It doesn’t get any better than this.
D. Girish Gangadharan: Wonder why we are being alienated by people around us?
E. Mike Morrow: Baseball??? I thought this was the Grenshishfrangle matches. Darn, we are on the wrong planet again. Beam us up, Narfenglagen.
F. Fred Piceno: Well, our team is down by 48 pts. at the 2-minute warning. What say we leave now and catch the early shuttle back to Gwark?

281. Downhill Cycling
A. Jessica Drakos: Unlucky scenery change for the Tour de France Stage 13.
B. Stefan Toews: Looks like it’s all downhill from here...
C. Marlene Goodman: Who planned this course, Spider-Man? & Curse you, Erik Johansson!
D. Girish Gangadharan: Can’t believe that the racers, ahead of me, have managed to cycle even down the slope. Hardly any grass or shrub to be see.
E. Mike Morrow: If you can cycle here, you can cycle anywhere.
F. Fred Piceno: When they said that there was a sharp 90 degree turn on this road, they weren’t kidding!

282. Bench Fishermen
A. Denzel Hoskins: Any fisherman knows that the best fishin’ is at high tide.
B. Andrew Banner: ’How many we caught so far?’ ’Those who think we’re fishing? - 27 including the guy who’s taking the photograph!’ , ’What have you caught so far?’ ’A truck, a Sedan, St Paul’s Church roof... and You.’  & ’Are there any sharks in here?’ ’Nah! Alligators ate all the sharks!’
C. Bill McCall: ’See y’al tomorrow?’ ’Yep, Lord willing and the creek don’t rise!’
D. Girish Gangadharan: Why miss opportunities when they come knocking at your door and are in plenty?
E. Marlene Goodman: Man, ya fall asleep fer a while... & I think there’s catfish on the Jone’s front steps.
F. Mike Morrow: Well, what do you think, Jake? Anything to this global warming thing?
G. Fred Piceno: Every fisherman knows that the fishing is always good after a heavy rain.

283. Redneck Manual
A. Milo Benson: Jethro’s not sure how long it will take to read the rest of the office policy manual.
B. Teresa Fletcher: Wilbur seemed suspicious of Microsoft’s new “Quick Reference Guide”.
C. Kirk Lowry: Cliff Notes introduces its newest series: 'Your Tax Laws (abridged) Explained!' How to Raise Children 'Introduction to the Universe' by Stephen Hawking & How to Raise Children
D. Bob Walker: Checking the Marriage Manual & Woman’s Rules
E. Roger Holt: Joe vows to learn the Canadian income tax law
F. Girish Gangadharan: For the Women, Of the Women and By the Women
G. Marlene Goodman: I just can’t keep up with all these new words in the slang dictionery.
H. Mike Morrow: You are on page 1,542 or 243,580. Take your time and finish reading and be sure to submit your report any time within the next two business days. Please be concise and complete.
I. Dave Herrington: Caption: Red head owners manual
J. Fred Piceno: Now, where was I? Oh,yeah. “Assembling Space Shuttle” - Step no. 3,772,051: Insert part AAK-4101b into slot 4077X2L

284. Mountain TV
A. Janine Bouchard: SateLite? Jose calls it SatelHeavy TV...
B. Irvin Kauffman: Can you hear me NOW?
C. James West: The real Roswell cover up story! How do you tow a broken alien spaceship? It’s all downhill from here! & Wait, why am I carrying this, why don’t we just roll it down the hill?
D. Girish Gangadharan: Priceless Collection. Osama Bin Laden used it to shield himself from satellite images.
E. Ivan Wilson: Rashid was very proud on his first day clearing landmines when he discovered the world’s largest anti-tank mine. Rushing back to the supervisor in the village as fast as his little legs would carry him, to collect his undoubtedly equally huge reward and mistaking the shouts and screams as he arrived for those sharing in his excitement, it was then he discovered tying it to his head was not the best plan...
F. Wayne Breighner: WOW, that’s the biggest hubcap I ever found. Can’t wait to get it to the flea market.
G. Marlene Goodman: Portable Satellite TV is a stinking idea! & This is one UFO that is NOT getting away!

285. Vatican Window Cleaners
A. Jean Winkler: I wish they hadn’t put that statue so high up there. & Some parishioners found a great location for the wedding.
B. Craig Biberdorf: Which bucket do I use to clean her habit? & That’s a bad habit she’s got into.
C. Sylvia Johansson: Hey - I think I see my wallet...
D. Roger Holt: Monk He See, Monk He Do
E. Girish Gangadharan: The Pope is fast asleep even though past nine. It’s time to wake him up - get me the bucket of water.
F. Marlene Goodman: Even with an assistant, the Grim Reaper cannot even touch this Pope.
G. Fred Piceno: I cannot believe that we fell for the old “Who wants to be closer to God?” trick

286. Land Surfing
A. Jan Gollant: Why some people wear bathing suits all the time
B. Girish Gangadharan: This is not nature created tsunami but created by nature at the sight of beautiful ladies
C. Marlene Goodman: The truth behind how mud wrestling really got started.
D. Fred Piceno: You KNOW how much I love the beach... I can't WAIT to get wet!
E. Mel Hainey: Just when they’d given up, they caught their big wave!

287. Gecko Earring
A. Girish Gangadharan: Permanent recruitment of a sticky specialist who has got the sticky accessories to keep your sticky issues in control
B. Logan Cavendish: Pet Piercing for ear-rational people
C. Wayne Breighner: I tell you I am related to the insurance guy - I’ll get you a cheaper rate
D. Marlene Goodman: Dang, I wish I were a Chameleon. This is embarrassing. & Psst, want a great rate on auto insurance?
E. Linda Lou Skywalker: Hey guys, a little help here. Guys? Guys?! Not funny, I’m stuck!

288. Money Head
A. Jason Dumois: Conceited Bill found a way of making more of himself.
B. Melanie Breslof: The grey area of money laundering.
C. Danzel Warkinton: Joe gets a head start on rising money markets.
D. Jessie Greyling: At the top of my head, I don’t have to think about money any more.
E. Reba Swanson: Joe’s barber sells an installed Ziplock money pouch. Only attachment required: 1 hat.
F. Wayne Breighner: Just a little off the top.
G. Idske Mulder: He’s made of money. & No, he’s not in the money - the money is in him!
H. Girish Gangadharan: The “Head of Finance” is unzipped
I. Marlene Goodman: Is that all these rappers have on their minds?
J. Ludy Francois: My On My Mind
K. Yaw Anane: Money on my mind

289. Wave Pools in India
A. Warren McKella: Workers at the local nuclear plant chipped in to buy a community swimming pool.
B. Wayne Breighner: This do-it-yourself hot tub kit was cheap, but the filter needs some more work.
C. Girish Gangadharan: Goodness gracious - what a bath! They don’t even allow the factory waste to go un-utilized.
D. Marlene Goodman: Slumdog Spa, open to the public. & Flushing yourself down the toilet can be recreational.

290. Split Beach Personality
A. MariLou Hamilton: What went wrong during the Middlectomy operation?
B. Calvin Rensler: Living with a narcissist: overcoming the love locking you in
C. Brent Offenberger: That’s the last time I’m going to volunteer to help a magician that has a wooden box and handsaw on stage. Can’t believe they made me buy two tickets to ride the bus here. & Now I know how Patsy Cline felt when she sang... “I fall to pieces”.
D. Wayne Breighner: I told ’em that new hula-hoop had a sharp edge.
E. Girish Gangadharan: If this is what men die to see 'A BEAUTY IN TWO PIECE', wonder why they get so excited even at the thought of it.
F. Marlene Goodman: What’re you looking at? That’s why it’s called a “two-piece.” 
G. Fred Piceno: H-m-m-m-m. This gives a whole new meaning to a “Topless Beach”. & I’ve heard of “half-sisters”, I’ve heard of “in-laws”. This is the first time I’ve seen an “in-half sister” ”.
H. Paul Bottel: This isn’t half as much fun as I thought it would be. & P-U! Did You just cut one?

291. Push Door
A. Rolf Sieberg: You find out what’s on the other side!
B. Bob Walker: You go get him, I went the last time.
C. Wayne Breighner: You’re right - green does make your butt look big.
D. Girish Gangadharan: Hurry up! We need to get out soon for the night show. We can’t keep the girlfriends waiting too long.
E. Marlene Goodman: I’ll follow you and we’ll... hey, you need a changing.
F. Fred Piceno: ... And stay out until you get that diaper changed.

292. Mane Spray

A. Claire Sebring: Serves him right for lion around all day...
B. Olaf Svenson: Harold gets a kick out of his new defogger.
C. Richard Olszewski: The general store said this cat repellant would keep’m outta my yard.
D. Idske Mulder: Pepper spray only works on bears!
E. Girish Gangadharan: Still unable to find a mate? Try the Axe Effect.
F. Wayne Breighner: Make-up man for the Lion King
G. Fred Piceno: Thanks for the cooldown, pal, but you’re still gonna be my lunch.

293. Always Enough TP
A. Jason Verity: Latest in treadmill bathroom design.
B. Moira Griffiths: Got the runs? This’ll keep up to ya’!
C. Kirk Lowry: Meanwhile... in the ladies’ room at the local curry house...
D. Girish Gangadharan: Discharge of emergencies shouldn’t be held up due to lack of resources.
E. Wayne Breighner: The Pink Pather’s lavatory

294. Fish Walker
A. Mick Hawley: British entrepreneur patents fish and ice chips.
B. Lisa Kinney: You can lead a fish to water, but...
C. Wayne Breighner: Herbert only does it for “THE HALIBUT”
D. Girish Gangadharan: Herbert - the detective - always looks for a break-through lead in fishy cases.
E. Shannon Clark: The first trial with the seeing eye fish did not end as well as had been hoped.

295. Tire-d Workers
A. Gwen Peterson: Sleeping the planks is easier than walking the planks for today’s union workers.
B. Irvin Hannemann: New survey shows that faulty tire pressure is related to sleeping down on the job.
C. Asten Johnson: No Bubba, that’s not what I meant by rotating the tires!
D. Idske Mulder: Got a very heavy job testing tire pressure: I had to adjust both my diet and my sleeping schedule to be able to put enough weight on those tires at the right moment!
E. Brian Smedley: Hey Jill, I didn’t sleep good last night. All I did was toss and turn. Same here, Jack.

296. Cartographer
A. Mira Johnston: Rickshaw driver with nowhere to go.
B. Irvin Kauffman: His Map is a Gas... Beware of the Tongue Load!
C. Idske Mulder: Can you reverse the charges too please?
D. Girish Gangadharan: Have you ever imagined the problems with a vehicle without reverse gear?
E. Fred Piceno: Honestly, Pop. It was just sitting on the side of the road, like someone just threw it away.
F. Chris Toews: AAA expands services to include Iraq

297. Dinner Around The Corner
A. Audrey Hepting: Some walls taste better than others.
B. Jack Bissett: Proof that termites provide the most pet protein.
C. Mike Morrow: What do you want? I was board!,  “Trust me, it looks better this way.”,  “It was an interior design idea I had. Like it?”,  “It tasted terrible but I kept going, hoping I would begin to like it.”,  “Lip licking good! You should try it! Ummmmm... Vertical Wainscotting...”,  “Someone broke in and did that. It was NOT ME! PROMISE!” & “Got any dental floss, I have this small bit of wood in my... oops, small bit of dog biscuit stuck in my teeth.
D. Sally Phillips: I cannot tell a lie. The cat did it.
E. Fred Piceno: My vet TOLD you I needed more fiber in my diet, but you wouldn’t listen.

298. Hot Air Oven
A. Josh Donnolly: How to permanently add grease to your clothes.
B. Melissa Myers: Hardest thing is to turn off the iron.
C. Girish Gangadharan: Home Technology to beat the speed of Dominos in pizza delivery

299. Supervised Motorcycle Wash
A. Sarah McNaughton: How to add oil slicks to your bath tub.
B. Girish Gangadharan: Mo-b-ath... Su-purr-vised

300. Tattoo Fountain
A. Jeff Brazos: Perhaps the Titanic brand body piercing tool wasn’t the best choice...
B. Adrian Fairchild: Captain Francesco Schettino demonstrates from shore how he tried to save the Costa Concordia
C. Brian Carpenter: Great idea for when your girlfriend/wife doesn’t swallow.
D. Aldis Browne: Holy water
E. Fred Piceno: Your ear, stupid. I said, ‘blow it out your ear!’

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