| |
|
|
| What's a farmer's favourite dance? |
Hoe down |
| |
| What do you get when you cross a fishing rod with a kitten? |
A pole cat |
| |
| Why was the rooster upset? |
Because he couldn't find his comb. |
| |
| What do you call a sleeping lizard? |
A calm-eleon |
| |
| What do sea captains pack in their lunch boxes? |
Potato ships |
| |
| Why is six afraid of seven? |
Because seven eight nine. |
| |
| Why did the tennis player bring a tray to practice? |
It was his turn to serve. |
| |
| What did the horse get on its report card? |
Straight hays. |
| |
| What was the twins' specialty in baseball? |
The double play. |
| |
| What happened when the writing class got hungry? |
They ate their words. |
| |
| Why did the belt get arrested? |
It held up a pair of pants. |
| |
| What do you get when you cross a vampire with a nun? |
A nasty habit. |
| |
| What did the suit of armor in the museum miss most? |
The knight life. |
| |
| Why do men prefer electric lawn mowers? |
So they can find their way back to the house. |
| |
| Why do skeletons drink milk? |
Because it's good for the bones. |
| |
| Why did the lettuce study so hard? |
It wanted to be at the head of its class. |
| |
| Where did the ornamental bracelet get its education? |
Charm school |
| |
| What did the chiropractor take at the end of his studies? |
A spinal exam. |
| |
| What college do vines go to? |
The Ivy League |
| |
| What does a sick preacher take? |
Pew-pills |
| |
| Why were the cannibals sick after eating the missionary? |
You can't keep a good man down. |
| |
| What do slugs pack when they go on a trip? |
Sluggage |
| |
| What did the fish do in music class? |
Play scales |
| |
| What's a grasshopper's favourite game? |
Cricket |
| |
| Who was the most brilliant pig in the world? |
Einswine |
| |
| Who was the fastest runner of all time? |
Adam, because he was first in the human race. |
| |
| Why wasn't the girl afraid of the shark? |
Because it was a man-eating shark. |
| |
| What kind of tea is best to avoid? |
Calamity |
| |
| Which bird never grows up? |
The minor bird. |
| |
| What do you call a fish that services pianos? |
A piano tuna. |
| |
| What does a match do when it loses its temper? |
It flares up |
| |
| Where do report cards get their education? |
In grade school. |
| |
| Did you hear about the computer that died? |
It had a terminal illness. |
| |
| What is an octopus? |
An eight-sided cat. |
| |
| Why was the snake so bouncy? |
It was viper-active. |
| |
| Why does an elephant never forget? |
What has he got to remember? |
| |
| Why did the pool player ruin the school play? |
He missed his cue. |
| |
| What's the best way to make sure you always remember your wife's birthday? |
Forget it once. |
| |
| Why did the school orchestra terminate? |
It was disbanded. |
| |
| What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer? |
All the information you need, but you can't understand a word of it. |
| |
| How did the farmer get the seeds to stay in the ground? |
He sewed them in. |
| |
| What people are like the end of a book? |
The Finnish. |
| |
| What do you call 2 spiders who get married? |
Newly webs. |
| |
| What did the science teacher get when she cloned a piece of coal? |
A carbon copy. |
| |
| Where do they take care of sick parrots? |
In a polyclinic. |
| |
| How many skunks does it take to smell up the neighbourhood? |
Just a phew. |
| |
| Which traffic light is the bravest? |
The one that doesn't turn yellow. |
| |
| How do Arabs like to dance? |
Sheik to Sheik. |
| |
| Why did the teacher put on her sunglasses? |
Because her pupils were too bright. |
| |
| Which Indian was in charge of facial tissues? |
The hankie-chief. |
| |
| Who was the first underwater spy? |
James Pond. |
| |
| What do cobras like best about going to the movies? |
The snake previews. |
| |
| What is a bird's favourite game? |
Air hockey. |
| |
| Which letter of the alphabet is always drunk? |
The wobble-you. |
| |
| If a truck horn goes 'toot-toot', what goes 'toot suite'? |
A French horn. |
| |
| What do you call someone who won't spend money on a Jeep? |
A Jeepstake. |
| |
| Where do the smartest parrots live?? |
In the tropical brain forest. |
| |
| What type of team are dentists on? |
The drill team. |
| |
| How does a chicken mail a letter? |
In a hen-velope. |
| |
| What do you call a roll that's finished baking? |
A done bun. |
| |
| Why did the girl take a pencil to bed? |
To draw the curtains. |
| |
| What's the best way to get in touch with your Mom? |
Beep-er. |
| |
| Where do horses stay in a hotel? |
In the bridle suite. |
| |
| What do you get if you cross a fish with a soldier? |
An aquamarine. |
| |
| What's a dog's favourite soup? |
Chicken poodle. |
| |
| What dessert is cold and rings? |
An ice cream phone. |
| |
| How do locomotives hear? |
Through their engineers. |
| |
| Why did the fish stay home from school? |
He was feeling a little under the water. |
| |
| What is a bee's favourite song? |
Stinging in the Rain. |
| |
| What do you call a German in a motorcycle hat? |
Helmut |
| |
| When do monkeys fall from the sky? |
During Ape-ril showers. |
| |
| What do you call a frog with no hind legs? |
Unhoppy |
| |
| Why was the letter so damp? |
It had postage dew. |
| |
| Did you hear about the old lady who told knitting joe-ks? |
She was a nit wit. |
| |
| How do you get a mouse to smile? |
Say cheese. |
| |
| What do you call a dog that gets mail? |
A labrador receiver. |
| |
| What musical instrument doesn't tell the truth? |
A lyre. |
| |
| Why should you carry books on your head? |
So the teacher can read your mind. |
| |
| Can you spell eighty in two letters? |
A T. |
| |
| What's a good gift for an Australian ghost? |
A boomerang. |
| |
| Why did the tightrope walker always carry his bank book? |
In order to check his balance. |
| |
| What's the biggest room in the world? |
Room for improvement. |
| |
| What type of books do baby deer enjoy? |
Fawntasies |
| |
| How did Jonah feel when the whale swallowed him? |
Down in the mouth. |
| |
| What candy is never on time? |
Choco-late. |
| |
| What time is it when you sit on a thumb tack? |
Spring time. |
| |
| Why did the teacher marry the janitor? |
He swept her off her feet. |
| |
| How do you start a Jell-o race? |
'Get set!' |
| |
| What did the computer program and the itchy dog have in common? |
They both had bugs. |
| |
| Why did the vampire see a therapist? |
Because he was going batty. |
| |
| Did the furniture polisher win the race? |
No, he barely finished. |
| |
| What is a frightened skin diver? |
Chicken of the Sea. |
| |
| What do you call a dance performed by nervous insects? |
The jitterybug. |
| |
| What does a pheasant say when it kisses its children good night? |
"Pheasant dreams". |
| |
| Why was the baby chicken thrown out of school? |
It was caught peeping during a test. |
| |
| Why did the Japanese chef yell? |
He lost his tempura. |
| |
| What bad girl grows in a garden? |
Poison Ivy. |
| |
| Which pirate do fish fear the most? |
Captain Hook. |
| |
| What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? |
Sanka. |
| |
| What kind of underwear do mummies wear? |
Fruit of the Tomb. |
| |
| |
1 2 3 4 5 |    |
|
