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| What Robin Hood sidekick loved fast food? |
French Friar Tuck. |
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| What do photographers and bats have in common? |
They both hang out in dark rooms. |
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| What does the Joe-kster wear under his pants? |
Pun-derwear. |
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| What city cheats at exams? |
Peking |
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| What did the librarian use for bait? |
A bookworm. |
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| How can you recognize a dogwood tree? |
By its bark. |
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| What people would never join a nudist camp? |
Pickpockets |
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| What did the shrimp yell to the seaweed? |
"Kelp! Kelp!" |
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| What did the paint give the wall on their 1st anniversary? |
A new coat. |
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| What does Indiana Jones like on his ice cream? |
Whip cream. |
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| Why did Dracula go to the dentist? |
He had fang decay. |
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| Who invented the grandfather clock? |
Pendulum Franklin. |
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| If there were a bank holdup, who would be the main witness? |
The teller. |
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| Why is it fun to play baseball with Dracula? |
He has lots of bats. |
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| What side of a hedgehog is the sharpest? |
The outside. |
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| Where do books sleep? |
Under their covers. |
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| Which two animals are found in the alphabet? |
Double ewe. |
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| Why did the truck driver stop on the highway to eat his salad? |
He saw a fork in the road. |
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| Why did the giant get into trouble at school? |
He was telling tall tales. |
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| What do you call a rodent that lives in your bedroom? |
A house mouse. |
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| What do you call a rabbit that likes to swim with crocodiles? |
Dinner |
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| What do you call the man who makes his living selling refreshments in the interval at Euro Cup matches? |
Alf Time. |
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| How did the ditchdigger get his job? |
He just fell into it. |
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| What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? |
I've got a crutch on you! |
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| What are teenage giraffes told when they go on their first date? |
No necking. |
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| What did one plate say to the other plate? |
Lunch is on me! |
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| What's the fastest vegetable on earth? |
A runner bean. |
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| What's the most popular name for a hamburger? |
Patty |
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| Which New York Yankee wears the biggest cap? |
The one with the biggest head. |
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| How did the ecologist feel when the trees turned to stone? |
He was petrified. |
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| Where's a good place to take your golf clubs after the game? |
To a tee party. |
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| What do you call Dracula's accent? |
Fang Twang. |
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| What animal is the best poker player? |
A Bluffalo |
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| What gender are many employees at the Post Office? |
Mail |
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| How do artists become famous? |
It's the luck of the draw. |
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| What game do mice like to play? |
Hide and squeak. |
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| Why did the chicken run on to the soccer field? |
Because the ref blew for a foul. |
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| What's worse than being a 300-pound witch? |
Being her broom. |
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| Why is the Dracula family so close? |
Because blood is thicker than water. |
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| What is black, white and very difficult? |
An exam paper. |
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| What do you say to a hitchhiking frog? |
Hop in. |
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| What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive? |
A Toy-Yoda. |
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| Why don't school children know about the Iron Age? |
They're rusty on that subject |
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| What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with Batman? |
A reel superhero. |
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| What do computer programmers like to eat for breakfast? |
Ram & eggs. |
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| Why don't aliens drown in hot chocolate? |
Because they sit on the Mars-mallows. |
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| How do you make a sausage roll? |
Push it down a hill. |
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| What keeps an igloo warm? |
Ice-olation |
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| When is fog like food? |
When it's a pea-souper. |
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| Action Man drove his sports car off a bridge. Was he hurt? |
No - he's a doll |
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| Where do restless travelers like to go? |
Rome |
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| Why do bagpipers walk so fast when they play? |
To get away from the noise. |
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| Where do belly dancers get their education? |
At the Navel Academy. |
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| Why didn't the computer answer the question? |
Because it lost its memory. |
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| Do fish perspire? |
How do you think the sea gets so salty? |
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| Did you hear about the absent-minded Siamese twins? |
Everything goes in one ear and out the brother. |
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| A class has a top and a bottom. What is in the middle? |
The student body. |
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| What happened when the steam hammer was invented? |
It made a big hit. |
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| Where do cows get their education? |
Second dairy school. |
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| When fish swim in schools, who helps their teacher? |
The herring aid. |
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| Why did the piano teacher chase the elephant with a feather? |
She wanted to tickle his ivories. |
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| What did the carpenter make for the textbook? |
A table of contents. |
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| What's the best way to cut down on air pollution in schools? |
Use unleaded pencils. |
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| Why was the teacher cross-eyed? |
Because he couldn't control his pupils. |
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| What do you call a naughty glove? |
A bad mitten. |
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| What happened to the bag of popcorn that was arrested at the theater? |
It was charged with a salt and buttery. |
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| What did the fish give his teacher? |
A crabapple. |
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| What do you call a pickle that draws? |
A dillustrator. |
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| What do you call an attack by a bunch of wigs? |
A hair raid. |
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| Why did the clock get in trouble in class? |
Because it tocked too much. |
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| Who wrote 'Southern Cooking'? |
Bob E. Kew |
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| What city is tilted? |
New Or-Leans. |
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| What do you get when you cross a pig with Count Dracula? |
A hampire. |
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| What did the wall say to the corner? |
"Meet you at the ceiling." |
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| What is an orangutan's favourite tool? |
The monkey wrench. |
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| What is the shakiest national park? |
Jellostone |
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| What did the violin say to the violinist? |
'Take a bow.' |
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| Why do ranchers ride horses? |
Because horses are too heavy to carry. |
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| What advice do you give to baseball players? |
If you don't succeed at first, try second base. |
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| How do trees get on the internet? |
They log in. |
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| Why did the coffee cup go down to the police station? |
To report that he had been mugged. |
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| Which month of the year has 26 days? |
All of them. |
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| What type of shoes do frogs wear? |
Open toad sandals. |
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| What do you call a line of men who are waiting to get a haircut? |
A barberqueue |
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| Where do sheep go for a haircut? |
To a baa baa shop. |
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| How did the robber get caught at the art gallery? |
He was framed. |
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| What do you call a bull when he is sleeping? |
A bulldozer. |
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| What did baby corn say to mummy corn? |
Ma, where is popcorn? |
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| What did the salad say to the tomatoes? |
Lettuce be friends. |
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| What jewelry do rabbits love? |
Carats |
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| What do you call a fly with no wings? |
A walk. |
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| How many apples grow on trees? |
All of them |
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| What do you call a fake noodle? |
An impasta. |
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| Who can eat a lot of iron without getting sick? |
The rust |
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| What kind of food do math teachers eat? |
Square meals. |
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| How do prisoners make calls? |
Using cell phones |
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| What did the giraffe say when he bent down to talk to the fish? |
"Long time no sea!" |
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| Why are cows so great at their jobs? |
Because they are out standing in their fields. |
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| What did zero say to the eight? |
"Nice belt!" |
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| What is an atomic scientist's favourite snack? |
Fission chips. |
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