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| Why did no one say anything when the King farted? |
It was noble gas. |
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| How does an Eskimo build his house? |
Igloos it together. |
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| Where do they send homeless dogs? |
To an arf-anage. |
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| Why are farmers cruel? |
Because they pull the ears off corn. |
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| Who has eight guns and terrorizes the ocean? |
Billy the Squid. |
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| What's big and gray and lives underwater? |
An eelephant. |
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| What sickness can a plane catch? |
The flew. |
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| What do you get if you cross a cow and a pogo stick? |
A milkshake. |
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| Why didn't Clark Kent walk under the ladder? |
He was super-stitious. |
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| Have you heard the joe-k about the jump rope? |
Skip it. |
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| How do parameciums call home? |
On single-cell phones. |
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| Why couldn't the three bears get back into their house? |
Because it had Goldie locks. |
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| What did the chewing gum say to the shoe? |
I'm stuck on you. |
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| What kind of music do insects like to dance to? |
Buggy woogie. |
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| What is a sleeping child? |
A kidnapper. |
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| Why did Little Johnny eat so fast? |
He wanted to eat as mush as possible before losing his appetite. |
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| What do llamas wear to bed? |
Pajjamas |
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| Why was the farmer out west hopping mad? |
Someone stepped on his corn. |
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| Why did Little Johnny put his clock in the oven? |
He wanted to have a hot time. |
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| What is the laziest shoe? |
A loafer. |
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| What is an umbrella's favourite snack? |
Drench fries. |
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| What do you call a group of musical chickens? |
A squawkestra. |
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| Which cows have the shortest legs? |
The smallest ones. |
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| Why can't you play games with pigs? |
Because they hog the ball. |
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| What do wizards serve tea in? |
Cups and sorcerers. |
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| What do you call a brainy locomotive? |
A train of thought. |
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| What do you call a baby whale that never stops crying? |
A little blubber. |
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| Why did the police come to the baseball game? |
They wanted to arrest the stealers. |
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| Where do clams sleep? |
In a waterbed. |
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| If the red house is on the right side, and the blue house is on the left side - where is the white house? |
Washington, D.C. |
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| Which is the friendliest school? |
Hi school. |
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| Who married a credit card? |
Prince Charging. |
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| What do you get when you tear a scarf in two? |
A bandana split. |
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| What do you do with a blue whale? |
Try to cheer him up. |
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| Why was the actor ordered off the set of Gladiator? |
He couldn't remember his lions. |
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| Why didn't the Doctor give his patient a local anesthetic? |
He preferred something imported. |
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| What is it called when a duck scores in basketball? |
A slam duck. |
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| Who is Count Dracula's favourite person on a baseball team? |
The bat boy. |
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| Why was the dog twitching so much? |
It had a tic. |
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| What do maples give each other when they marry? |
Tree rings. |
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| What do you call a bird that loves sweet rolls? |
A muffin puffin. |
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| Where do you go to learn how to start fires? |
Tinder-garten |
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| What do you call someone when he's got his head stuck in a bucket? |
Pail face. |
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| What do video cassettes come down with? |
Tapeworms |
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| What does a rodent use to make its breath smell clean? |
Mousewash |
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| What is Zeus' favourite subject? |
Mythematics |
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| What kind of puzzles do toads like? |
Crosswarts |
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| What do you call a fat frog? |
A bog hog. |
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| Why did the old angel die? |
He had a harp attack. |
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| What kind of cereal goes "Snap, Crackle, Crunch"? |
Roach crispies. |
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| Where do you buy an extinct animal? |
In a dino-store. |
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| What instrument does a lighthouse keeper play? |
The foghorn. |
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| Why did the driver throw money on the street? |
So he could stop on a dime. |
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| Why didn't the zookeeper bother to lock the door to the lion cage? |
He knew no one would steal a lion. |
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| Why didn't the scientist need a pocket calculator? |
Because he already knew how many pockets he had. |
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| What does a snake charmer eat between meals? |
Rattle-Snacks |
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| What do you call a skunk that excels at basketball? |
A slam dunk skunk. |
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| What does a watch eat when the cafeteria serves Mexican food? |
Tick tacos. |
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| What is a masseuse's favourite food? |
Baby back rubs. |
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| What's the Grinch's favourite game? |
Wheel of Misfortune. |
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| What do porcupines write their reports with? |
Quill pens. |
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| Where was the first doughnut made? |
In Grease. |
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| Why did the ham go see a Doctor? |
It wanted to know if it could be cured. |
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| What's a skeleton's favourite road? |
A dead end. |
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| What did one empty pyramid say to the other? |
"I miss my mummy.". |
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| Why did the beaver go to the hospital? |
It was feeling knaw-seous. |
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| Who is green and eats porridge? |
Mouldy Locks |
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| What part of a car gets around the most? |
The seatbelt. |
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| What shark can help you build a house? |
A hammerhead shark. |
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| What game does an astronaut like to play? |
Moon-opoly. |
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| There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left? |
Nine. |
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| What do frogs drink at parties? |
Croak-acola. |
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| What does a triceratops have when it's hurt? |
A dino-sore. |
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| What do martial arts experts cook on the barbeque? |
Karate chops. |
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| What three letters do people hate to write? |
I, O and U. |
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| What do you call a failed lion tamer? |
Claude Bottom. |
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| Where did the astronaut take the killer bee? |
To a honeymoon. |
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| Why did the waitress call her stockbroker? |
She was looking for a good tip. |
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| Which building does Dracula visit in New York? |
The Vampire State Building. |
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| What do witches ring for in a hotel? |
B-room service. |
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| What's a lifeguard's favourite game? |
Pool |
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| What happens when a Finnish swimmer gets into trouble? |
Helsinki |
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| Where would you never see a vegetarian? |
At a meat-ing. |
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| What is a shopper's favourite class? |
Buy-ology. |
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| Did you hear about the two dirty bathtubs that got married? |
It was a double-ring ceremony. |
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| What natural disaster moves too fast to be seen clearly? |
A blurricane. |
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| What does a T. Rex do when it sleeps? |
It Dino-snores. |
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| Where do hummingbirds like to shop? |
At Hum Depot. |
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| Why were the football players hot after the Super Bowl game? |
Because all the fans left. |
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| What happened to Ray when he jumped off the Eiffel Tower? |
He's now called X-Ray. |
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| Why did they put the acrobat in a sanatorium? |
Because he flipped out. |
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| What caused a riot in the Post Office? |
A stamp-ede. |
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| How do you kiss a hockey player? |
You pucker up. |
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| Why can't it rain for 2 days continually? |
Because there's always a night in between. |
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| What kind of policeman dresses poorly? |
A plain clothesman.. |
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| What do you lend to a needy vet? |
A helping hound. |
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| What did the Doctor give the patient with a splitting headache? |
Glue |
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| What does a rabbit drink on a cold day? |
Hop chocolate. |
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| When is a sheep not a sheep? |
When it turns into a pasture. |
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| Why did the pencil sharpener keep arguing with the pencil? |
The sharpener was trying to make a point. |
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