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| How do you recognize math plants? |
They have square roots. |
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| What's the longest night of the year? |
A fortnight. |
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| What's wooly and plays really cool music? |
A Dixie Lamb Band. |
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| Why was the mythical monster such a nuisance? |
He wanted to be the Centaur of attention. |
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| How does a Doctor sneak up on you to check your heartbeat? |
He uses a stealthoscope. |
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| What should you know if you want to be a lion tamer? |
More than the lion. |
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| How does a girl vampire flirt? |
She bats her eyes. |
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| Where do skeletons keep their money? |
In a joint account. |
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| Why do elephants have ivory tusks? |
Iron tusks would rust. |
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| What do you get when you cross a cow and axes? |
Milk and hackers. |
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| What should you do if you get a rash from biting mosquitoes? |
Stop biting mosquitoes. |
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| What's a good name for a molecule? |
Adam |
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| How do you fit more pigs onto a farm? |
Build a sty-scraper. |
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| Why did the python need a vacation? |
He needed to unwind. |
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| What type of crackers do firefighters like in their soup? |
Firecrackers |
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| How can you tell if an apple is organic? |
Look for a healthy worm. |
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| What do frogs spread on their toast? |
Butter-flies. |
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| What country makes you shiver? |
Chile |
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| Why was the vampire thin? |
He ate necks to nothing. |
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| What do cows use for money? |
Moola |
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| What do you call a teacher who makes numbers disappear? |
A mathemagician. |
... a few more Daffynitions 4U
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| What Asian food recipe calls for both poultry and a grinch? |
Chicken lo Mean. |
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| What do you call an anxious dinosaur? |
A nervous rex. |
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| What pen does a baby write with? |
A play pen. |
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| What does a shark use for a barbecue? |
Sharkoal |
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| What does an egg do when another egg bothers it? |
It eggnores it.. |
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| How did the pancake hurt itself? |
Doing backflips. |
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| What do you call a prehistoric ghost? |
A terror-dactyl. |
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| Why was the mummy so tense? |
She was all wound up. |
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| What is the plural of baby? |
Twins |
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| How did the computers afford a vacation? |
They all chipped in. |
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| What is the easiest way to keep milk from turning sour? |
Leave it in the cow. |
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| A unicorn has one horn and a bull has two. Does anything have more? |
Yes - an orchestra. |
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| Where did the gangplank get it's education? |
At boarding school. |
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| Why couldn't the music teacher get into the classroom? |
All the keys were in the piano. |
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| What kind of suit would you wear to a mermaid's wedding? |
A wet suit. |
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| Who was the biggest nut in the army? |
The kernel. |
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| What's a node viper? |
A viper wid a code. |
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| Where do detergents sit in the ballpark? |
In the bleachers. |
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| Why did the baby go to chemistry class? |
To learn formulas. |
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| What would you get if you crossed the school library with a genius? |
A novel idea. |
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| Where did King Arthur send his court? |
Knight school. |
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| Why do textbooks carry beepers? |
So they can get pages. |
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| Why was the plumber so tired? |
He felt drained. |
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| What kind of gum does the number 2 like? |
Double Bubble. |
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| How did the monster scare the wizard? |
He crypt up on him. |
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| What did the cat say after she made fun of another cat? |
"I'm sorry I hurt your felines. I was just kitten." |
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| Why did Little Johnny pour chicken broth on his car? |
He wanted to soup up the motor. |
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| What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? |
The fodder of our country. |
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| What movie do pigs dream about? |
Jurassic Pork. |
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| What kind of bird can write? |
A penguin |
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| Why do potatoes make good detectives? |
They keep their eyes peeled. |
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| What did the dirt say to the rain? |
'Thanks to you, my name is mud.' |
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| Why did the Irishman go to the foot Doctor? |
He had lepre-corns. |
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| How do you clean a crow? |
Run it through a caw wash. |
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| What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? |
Frostbite |
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| Why did the blonde feed money to her cow? |
Because she wanted to get rich milk. |
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| What place in New York do math teachers like? |
Times Square. |
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| What city wanders around aimlessly? |
Rome |
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| Why are astronauts so impatient on Earth? |
Because in space they're wait-less. |
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| What do you get when you cross a saint and a pharmacologist? |
A miracle drug. |
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| How did the playground win the baseball game? |
The swing swung and the slide slid into home. |
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| How did the tooth fairy do in school? |
Fairy well. |
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| What is a marathon runner's favourite subject? |
Jography |
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| What do you call a bump on a crook's head? |
A hoodlump. |
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| Why did I, V and X keep wandering off? |
Because they're Roman numerals. |
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| Why did the chef serve frozen steak? |
He wanted it to melt in the mouth. |
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| Why did the farmer take his chickens to the vet? |
It was time for their rooster shots. |
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| Which football player smells the most? |
Offensive right guard. |
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| Why did the art teacher put her colours on a diet? |
To make the paint thinner. |
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| Why did the book need a chiropractor? |
It had a paperback. |
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| What math tool do baseball players use? |
A slide rule. |
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| What does a dog get when it graduates from obedience school? |
A pedigree. |
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| What do you call books read by Dallas students? |
Tex books. |
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| What kind of dial casts a shadow but should never be asked the time? |
A crock-a-dial. |
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| How does a witch tell time? |
With a witch watch. |
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| Why did the robin flunk out of school? |
He was a bird brain. |
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| What do you call Oreos that skip class? |
Cookie cutters. |
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| What animals help run computers? |
Rams |
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| How is the baseball slugger doing in school? |
Batter |
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| How much fun can you have doing arithmetic? |
Sum fun! |
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| What course do yodelers take? |
Echo-nomics. |
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| When is it correct to say, "I is"? |
When the teacher asks, "What is the letter after 'H'?" |
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| How did the bumble bee get to school? |
It took the school buzz. |
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| Which piece of furniture pouts a lot? |
The whining room table. |
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| Which side of the bed should you sleep on? |
The top side. |
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| Why did the football player carry a spare pencil? |
In case they needed an extra point. |
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| What kind of transportation do you use to get to the bathroom? |
The tub-way. |
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| What kind of water greets you? |
An ocean wave. |
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| What do you call a snake that plays the flute? |
A viper piper. |
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| What was the surfer named Ace most afraid of? |
Card sharks. |
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| When do barbers set their clocks ahead? |
During daylight-shaving time. |
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| Why did the man get hungry during his operation? |
He had his Adam's apple removed. |
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| Why did the King go to the dentist? |
To have his teeth crowned. |
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| What does Dracula do when he gets a sore throat? |
He Gargoyles. |
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| What did the set square say to the protractor? |
Take me to your ruler. |
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| What dogs pick out furniture? |
In-terrier decorators. |
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| Why did the Doctor pour oil on her hands? |
She wanted to be a smooth operator. |
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| What did the dog do while camping? |
It started a bone-fire. |
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| What do you call a tired cow grazing in your backyard? |
A yawn mooer. |
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