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| What's the best way to get a man to do sit ups? |
Put the remote control between his toes. |
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| Why couldn't the puppet move? |
It needed a hand. |
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| What can be right but never wrong? |
An angle. |
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| What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? |
A water bed. |
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| What is the hardest thing to deal with? |
An old pack of cards. |
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| Four ladies sat down to play,
They played all night 'til break of day,
They played for gold and not for fun,
With separate scores for everyone;
When the came to square accounts,
They all had made quite fair amounts.
Can you explain the paradox - if no one lost, how could all gain? |
The players were musicians. |
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| How did the hipster burn his hand? |
He changed the light bulb before it was cool. |
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| What movie star do travel agents dream about? |
Tom Cruise. |
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| How do you call an electrician? |
Reverse the charges. |
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| I'm a word that's hardly there. Take away my start, and I'm an herbal flair. What am I? |
Sparsley (Take away "S" = Parsley) |
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| What do you call numerals that don't feel anything? |
"Numb"ers |
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| New or fresh; add two letters and you get this adjective for an early inhabitant of Australia. |
Original and Aboriginal. |
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| Why shouldn't you keep a library book on the ground overnight? |
Because in the morning it will be overdew. |
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| How do you hit slime? |
With a sludgehammer. |
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| What do you call a window in a palace? |
A royal pane. |
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| What time of day is a Palindrome (the same spelled backward or forward)? |
Noon. |
corresponding 'Same Time' puzzle @ suJoku.com
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| What must you do before getting off a bus? |
Get on it. |
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| What one thing do Democrats and Republicans share in common? |
Your money. |
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| What do you take to get into dental school? |
An oral exam |
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| Why is an empty purse always the same? |
Because there is never any change in it |
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| What begins with 'P', ends in 'E', and has thousands of letters? |
The Post Office. |
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| I have a cone but no ice cream. What am I? |
A volcano. |
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| Late afternoons I often bathe. I'll soak in water piping hot. My essence goes through my see-through clothes. Used up am I - I've gone to pot. What am I? |
A tea bag. |
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| Why is a lie like a wig? |
Because it is a false hood. |
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| How do you hang up an idea? |
Inside a frame of mind. |
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| Who won the race of the laces? |
Nobody - they were tied. |
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| If a gardener has a green thumb, who has a purple thumb? |
A nearsighted plumber. |
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| What do computerized bears do in the winter? |
They cybernate. |
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| What do farmers use to guard their prize pumpkins? |
Body-gourds. |
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| What do you call a monkey in a minefield? |
A Baboom! |
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| What pillar is never used to hold up a building? |
A caterpillar. |
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| When do you charge a new battery? |
When you can't pay cash. |
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| A family has 5 kids. Half of them are boys. How is this possible? |
The other half were boys too |
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| Three large people try to crowd under one small umbrella, but nobody gets wet. How is this possible? |
It wasn't raining. |
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| Plant the setting sun and what will come up? |
Morning glory |
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| What's the difference between a doctor and a minister? |
One practices and the other preaches. |
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| What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp? |
A bear-faced lyre. |
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| What do you call meteorites that don't hit the Earth? |
Meteorwrongs. |
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| What's a werewolf's motto? |
Eat, drink, and be hairy. |
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| Why does a chicken coop have two doors? |
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan. |
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| What happens when you get amnesia and deja vu at the same time? |
You know you've forgotten something before. |
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| What do you call an insane flower? |
A crazy daisy. |
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| How can you tell the big waves from the little waves? |
They wear white caps. |
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| What's the worst tasting drink of the day? |
Nas-tea |
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| Why is there always a Bible in a courtroom? |
Because one of the books is Judges. |
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| Did you hear about the boy who wanted to run away to the circus? |
He ended up in a flea circus. |
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| What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left over? |
Wholesome |
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| What did the politically correct yodeler say? |
"Yodo-ley-he-whom". |
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| How can you get a bargain on a boat? |
Buy a sale boat. |
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| What is a computer's first sign of old age? |
Loss of memory |
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| How do astronomers know that the universe isn't heavy? |
Because distances are measured in light years. |
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| How do you know if a soda is any good? |
A little swallow tells you. |
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| How do you describe a tired kangaroo? |
Out of bounds. |
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| What kind of cats are good at bowling? |
Alley cats. |
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| Why are men with beards more honest? |
Because they can't tell bare-faced lies. |
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| What fruit never goes anywhere alone? |
Pears |
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| What is the best exercise for losing weight? |
Pushing yourself away from the table. |
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| How do they say good-bye in Canada? |
eh B C'ing you! |
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| Why is it so hard for a bank to keep a secret? |
Because there are too many tellers. |
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| What would a barefoot man get if he steps on an electric wire? |
A pair of shocks. |
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| Which word in the English language becomes shorter when it is lengthened? |
Short. |
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| What's the difference between a dog with fleas and a person going on vacation? |
One is going to itch, and the other is itching to go. |
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| What did the weatherman get when he stepped outside into a storm? |
A cold front. |
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| How fast does light travel? |
The same way slow light travels. |
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| What is appropriate material for an inventor to wear? |
Patent leather. |
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| What do you get when you cross Cinderella with a rabbit? |
A hare ball. |
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If a man carried my burden he would break his back.
I am not big but leave silver in my tracks.
What am I? |
A snail |
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| What do you call someone who is always asking you for money? |
Bill |
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| What does a pine tree wear on an Alaskan cruise? |
A fir coat. |
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| What did the meteorite say when asked to give a quote? |
"No comet." |
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| What country makes you shiver? |
Chile |
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| What's the highest building in New York? |
The library - it has the most stories. |
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| What is a frog's favourite year? |
Leap year. |
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| What's the smartest American state? |
Alabama because it has 4 As and 1 B. |
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| What kind of pigeon sits down a lot? |
A stool pigeon |
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| What gets smaller the more you put in it? |
A hole in the ground. |
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| Which flowers are the laziest? |
The ones that lie in beds. |
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| Which hen lays the longest? |
A dead one. |
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| Which tree does everybody carry in their hand? |
The palm |
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| Why was the shopper unhappy with the Velcro shoe she bought? |
It was a total rip-off. |
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| Why has no-one ever heard a pterodactyl go to a bathroom? |
Because its 'p' is not pronounced |
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| What always goes swimming with you but never comes out wet? |
Your shadow |
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| Who earns a livelihood without working a single day? |
A night watchman |
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| Which nails are extremely painful to hammer in? |
Fingernails |
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| How can you cut Rome in two? |
With a pair of Caesars. |
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| What is Forrest Gump's password? |
1forrest1 |
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| Where did Noah keep his bees? |
In the ark hives. |
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| What has four legs but cannot walk? |
A chair |
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| What's round and mean? |
A vicious circle. |
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| What question cannot be answered with a yes? |
Are you dead? |
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| What question cannot be answered with a yes? |
Are you asleep? |
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| What is the most popular fish in the ocean? |
A starfish |
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| What do you call a Russian tree? |
Dimitree |
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| What do you call a caretaker of chickens? |
A chicken tender |
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| When is the best time to buy a boat? |
When there is a sail on it. |
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| How do fish maintain their weight? |
They have their own scales. |
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| How much does a hipster weigh? |
An Instagram |
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| What happened when two artists got into a competition? |
It ended in a draw. |
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| What rises when rain falls? |
An umbrella |
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| What do you call a fish with two knees? |
A two-knee fish. |
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