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| What do you call a woman with a river on her head? |
Flo |
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| What state has no capital? |
A state of mind. |
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| What works when it plays, and plays when it works? |
A fountain. |
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| Do Cadillacs stretch? |
No, but Mercedes Benz. |
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| What do you do if your nose goes on strike? |
Picket |
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| How do you stop bacon from curling in a frying pan? |
Take away their brooms. |
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| What can you hear but not see, and only speaks when it's spoken to? |
An echo. |
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| What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? |
A spelling bee. |
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| What table is made of paper and has no legs? |
A timetable. |
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| What's the best way to improve a long speech? |
Use shortening. |
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| What type of tree is made up of numbers and letters? |
Geometry |
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| What's the definition of a will? |
A dead giveaway. |
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| When are eyes not eyes? |
When the wind makes them water. |
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| I am a three digit number. My tens digit is five more than my ones digit. My hundreds digit is eight less than my tens digit. What number am I? |
Number 194 |
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| What food tastes better before it is cooked? |
Burnt toast. |
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| A woman gave birth to two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year but were not twins. How is this possible? |
The woman had triplets. |
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| Why could the artist cross the bridge whenever he wanted to? |
Because it was a drawbridge. |
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| What are the chances of an artist making a living? |
Sketchy |
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| How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? |
How many can you afford? |
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| How do we know that owls are smarter than chickens? |
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Owl? |
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| What's the difference between a mouse and a beautiful girl? |
The mouse harms the cheese, and the girl charms the he's. |
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| If a peacock and a half lays and egg and a half in a day and a half, how many eggs will three peacocks lay in three days? |
None - peacocks don't lay eggs. |
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| How do very small people communicate with each other? |
With microphones. |
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| Why can't baseball pitchers make decisions? |
They're always changing their mounds. |
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| What do you call a woman having a meal in a restaurant? |
Anita |
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| Why did the cannibal feel sick every time he ate a missionary? |
You can't keep a good man down. |
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| What did the professor say as his glass eye slid down the drain? |
"I've lost another pupil." |
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| What do you call two birds in love? |
Tweethearts |
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| In Cimarron County, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man without a wooden leg. Why not? |
You have to take a picture of a man with a camera. |
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| What do hangmen read? |
Noosepapers |
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| Why was a piano tuner hired to play on the baseball team? |
He had perfect pitch. |
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| What is a minister doing when he rehearses his sermon? |
Practicing what he preaches. |
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| What is the least dangerous kind of robbery? |
Safe robbery |
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| When is it safe to touch a lion? |
When it's a dande-lion |
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| How do you make a hat talk? |
Put a 'C' in front of it. |
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| How can you have bread if you are on a liquid diet? |
Drink a toast. |
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| What kind of sand will you never find at the beach? |
Ampersand |
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| The higher I climb, the hotter I engage. I cannot escape my crystal cage. What am I? |
Mercury in a thermometer. |
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| How does the earth fish? |
With North and South Poles. |
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| What can you serve but never eat? |
A volleyball |
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| When is a man like a suit of clothes? |
When his tongue has a coat and his breath comes in short pants. |
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| What's in the middle of the sun? |
The letter 'U'. |
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| What's the difference between an explosion and a collision? |
In a collision, there you are; but in an explosion, where are you? |
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| What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away? |
Charcoal. |
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| How do you find a writer in a crowded room? |
Have him paged. |
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| What kind of screen brings things into the house instead of keeping them out? |
A television screen. |
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| What does a brave rock become? |
Boulder |
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| What kind of ball is fun to play with but doesn't bounce? |
A snowball. |
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| What do you draw that can never be seen? |
Your breath. |
corresponding 'Drawn Not Seen' puzzle @ suJoku.com
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| How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? |
He was shocked. |
corresponding 'Big Electric Bill' puzzle @ suJoku.com
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| What is half of infinity? |
Nity |
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| How high do people usually stand? |
Over two feet. |
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| How can you get four suits for a dollar? |
Buy a deck of cards. |
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| What letter ends everything? |
g |
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| Why aren't babies allowed to take tests? |
Because they all have crib sheets. |
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| What do bees do with honey? |
They cell it. |
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| What do chocolate coffee & men have in common? |
They're all better rich. |
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| What's easier to give than receive? |
Criticism |
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| Which hand should you use to stir tea? |
Neither - it's best to use a spoon. |
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| The wood used to immobilize a fractured bone; and two letters later, the less painful result of part of it in your skin. |
Splint and Splinter. |
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| What kind of buck can't be spent? |
A male deer. |
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| What kind of key opens a banana? |
A monkey. |
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| Which mountain is always sleeping? |
Mount Everest. |
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| When is mail delivered wet? |
When there is postage dew. |
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| Why is a bride always unlucky on her wedding day? |
Because she does not marry the best man. |
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| How do fireflies learn their math? |
With flash cards. |
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| What driver doesn't need a license? |
A screwdriver. |
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| What is the most unpleasant boat to travel on? |
A hardship. |
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| What bar is dangerous to run into? |
An iron bar |
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| Which is the left side of a cake? |
The side that's not eaten. |
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| What kind of mint is deadly if thrown? |
Spearmint |
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| When does Q come before P? |
During a concert intermission. |
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| Where do computers keep their money? |
In memory banks. |
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| What is the saddest picture? |
A blueprint. |
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| What increases its value by one half when turned upside down? |
The number 6. |
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| Ancient Romans didn't know me, but the Mayans did. What numeral am I? |
Zero - the Romans didn't have a symbol for zero. |
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| Why is 2 + 2 = 5 like our left foot? |
Because it isn't right. |
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| Which is heavier: a pound of feathers or a pound of lead? |
Each weighs one pound |
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| What walks on four legs in the beginning, two half way through, and three at the end? |
A human. As a baby, it crawls and then in old age, it uses a walking stick. |
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| How is a firefly like a car? |
They both have taillights. |
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| To unravel me you need a key. No key that was made by locksmith's hand, but a key that only I will understand. What am I? |
A cipher. |
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| I'm light as a feather, yet the strongest man can't hold me for much more than a minute. What am I? |
Breath |
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| How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? |
I'll have an estimate for you in a week's time. |
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| What's the best way to confuse a woman? |
Buy her chocolate shoes. |
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| What did the leftovers say when they were put in the freezer? |
'Foiled again!' |
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| How do you know the Invisible Man has no children? |
Because he's not apparent. |
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| What do you call ballet leotards? |
Dance pants. |
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| What has a spine but no bones? |
A book. |
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| Jody was expecting her eighth child. What was she going to call it? |
She was going to call it quits... |
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| What do climbers get when they carry a stove up Everest? |
A mountain range. |
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| Name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday. |
Today, yesterday, and tomorrow. |
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| What do you call a man who lies in front of your door all day? |
Matt |
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| Why is bread full of holes? |
It's whole (hole) wheat bread. |
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| What's a boxer's favourite part of a joe-k? |
The punch line. |
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| How does money talk? |
It says good-bye. |
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| Why do water pitchers get facials? |
To clean out their pours. |
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| What bow never gets tired? |
A rainbow |
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| How do you begin a ghost story? |
'Once upon a tomb...' |
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| What does a dog do that a man steps in? |
Pants |
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| How do you know that a Newfie invented the toothbrush? |
Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush. |
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